My No ‘Poo experiment is failing miserably. My hair has never looked worse. I can’t seem to get it clean enough. There is always a layer of oil and my hair is flat, flat, flat.
Lisa told me that she washes Mr. Bo with ground oatmeal and so I decided to try it out. I used my coffee grinder to pulverize the quick oats I sometimes eat for breakfast. It actually works well when the powder is applied directly to my hair. Unfortunately it leaves a terrific mess in the shower stall. Thinking I might be on to something, I attempted to turn it into a solution but that was a disaster. The oatmeal separated and it didn’t take long to start smelling funky.
Today I washed my hair by dumping about 3 tablespoons of baking soda into my palm and then massaging it as best I could into my scalp. I opted to not use the apple cider vinegar rinse afterward. I am hoping it looks okay.
I really need to get my hair cut and I fear that Aprille is going to scold me for doing something so silly. Yet every blog about going no ‘poo is positive. Why is it not working for me? My hair is still producing insane amounts of oil and it looks like crap on day 2. Heck, the big difference is it looks like crap even after washing.
All I want is to have hair that doesn’t get oily 15 hours after washing. I want to have hair that I can wash every other day and still have it look nice between washes. Is that too much to ask?
I am on week 5 of going no ‘poo. If I had any shampoo in my house, I would have given up. As it is, I am going to try to keep going until at least week 8.
So what’s going on with me? I rearranged my office the other day. The new layout helps my productivity ever so slightly.
Yesterday I went to the shore. Walked the boardwalk, ate a chili dog at The Windmill, and ordered a small ice cream at Hoffman’s. It was a day my father would have loved. That was how he and my mom spent many a weekend. I almost felt like he was there with me. I kept looking out at the ocean and although we spread his ashes a bit south, I pretended he was swimming out there in Belmar.
I had been doing so well. So well, in fact, that I wondered if I was a cold person. As it is, I experience periods where I feel fine but then it hits me. So apparently grief comes in waves. Which is kinda funny because a guy I know recently told me that when you take psychotropic drugs, the experience comes over you in waves.
My mom recently asked me if my subconscious mind had come to terms with dad’s death or do I feel a lingering sense that he will return as if on a vacation? I have to admit, I do have this odd feeling that he will turn up and yet I know that is absolutely ludicrous. It’s this weird internal fight. Dead, can’t be dead, dead, can’t be dead, dead.
Some amazing things have been happening to me. Ha! I love how I wrote that. Things have been happening to me. As if they were just delivered to me unannounced and unrequested. Truth is, I have kicked and scratched and punched to get these things to happen to me.
Last week I was interviewed on a television news program. And I just got word that I have been confirmed as a guest on a national radio show.
I have tweeted and blogged and FBed and hired a publicist and made calls and wished and hoped, thought and prayed.
It was just a evenings ago, Big E put a Charles Bronson movie in the DVD and brought me a bowl of ice cream, when I thought, “I am deliciously happy.”
It seems odd to be happy. And even with all the wonderful things going on, I still feel like I am waiting for my life to begin. I suppose in my mind, I figure my life will begin when I don’t have to kick and scratch and punch. Maybe it’s the kicking, scratching, and punching that is life.
Today would have been my father’s 74th birthday. It would also have been my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. I called Lisa this morning and I said, “If things had gone differently in April, can you imagine what we would be doing right now? Running around getting a party set up… or maybe flying somewhere?”
It was just a few days before Daddy died that Lisa and I started to talk about what we were going to do for their big 50. Party? Trip? Both?
What happened? I am trying to remember what we did on Friday. How is it that I had an awesome weekend and I can’t remember what I did on Friday? I think for dinner I made Trader Joe’s Mandarin Orange Chicken for Ernie and me. Oh yeah, and then we went up to my loft and listened to Rubber Soul on vinyl. Sprawled on the floor, staring at the ceiling, listening to the songs go by, one building upon another, made me realize how I miss the concept of the “album.” Although I think that Michelle, ma belle is misplaced.
Saturday I made some amazing headway on my second eBook. In the evening, Ernie and I went ROLLERSKATING! The rollerskating was for Ernie’s friend’s surprise birthday party. They rented a roller rink for two hours and we skated around and around and around.
I have to admit I was worried. I kept fearing that I would fall, break my arms and find myself in a very bad situation. As luck would have it, I laced up my skates and it all came back to me. I didn’t fall once. In fact I had a great time. Don’t know if I will be joining any roller derby teams but I would definitely go back if nothing more than for exercise.
After rollerskating, we went to the Trestle Inn in Philadelphia where we drank whiskey sours and watched 60’s inspired go go dancers. Now, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression! The Trestle Inn is under new management and the old, pregnant strippers, riddled with bullet scars have been replaced with a much classier variety of go go dancer.
The women doing the go go dancing were beyond fantastic. I couldn’t take my eyes off them! I was surprised that their tip jars were empty so I remedied the situation by throwing in a couple dollars. They seemed very appreciative and when I finally did decide to go home, the dancers waved to me as I left.
Sunday we went for a walk at Tyler State Park and then in the evening we went to the Iron Hill Brewery in Blue Bell. Ernie had a gift certificate from Christmas that he wanted to use. After dinner we watched Bullitt with Steve McQueen.
It dawned on me today that I have spent an inordinate amount of time fixating on what I want to accomplish this upcoming year and what I didn’t accomplish last year. Instead of feeling buoyed over the possibility of the upcoming year, I felt like a huge loser. Rather than wallow in feelings of crapitude, I decided to sit down and come up with my accomplishments from last year. What made me proud? What made me happy? What delighted me? And so here it is… my list of accomplishments.
Looking back on all the good things of 2011
I wrote and published a book!
I was chosen to speak at 3 different Chamber of Commerces and countless other organizations and associations
I was hired by a large organization to work with their executive team!
I worked with a Business Consultant who really helped me.
Work keeps coming my way without too much effort on my part. I love what I do.
One of the groups I spoke to gave me an Entertainment Coupon book as payment along with Fifty Trillion Dollars from the Federal Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe Continue reading →
Dear Lord! I just went through the last 9 years of New Year’s Resolutions and I am SHOCKED… SHOCKED that it seems every year I make the EXACT same Resolutions!
It’s all about getting my life in order. Stop being so messy. Exercise more. Push away from the computer and live. Stop procrastinating. Travel more.
What’s wrong with me? Perhaps I am just convinced these are things that I need to do but I am simply uninterested in making them happen? In 2002 I made a resolution to find a man to marry. It’s 2012 and I AM STILL SINGLE! And I struggle to KEEP MY BEDROOM CLEAN!
Okay. This has been a wake up call for me. I need to start working on ME!
At New Year’s Eve dinner, Audra and I explained to Big E how every year I post my resolutions for the new year and post the result of last year’s resolutions. Audra giggled and said, “It’s pretty funny since 90% of them are failures!”
Truth is, I spend most of my time listing them out but I rarely revisit them until the end of the year. I should spend more time creating plans on how to meet the goals and charting my progress as I attempt to reach them. Perhaps then there wouldn’t be so much failure.
I have great hopes for 2012!
My Resolutions for 2012
1. Go ‘Poo Free
I have decided to forsake shampoo for other, more natural, approaches to cleaning hair. This article on going ‘poo free was my inspiration. Someone recently posted a link to it on Facebook and I found it fascinating. I always wondered how people from years ago kept their hair clean, especially knowing that they didn’t bathe as regularly as we do. Heck, I have to wash my hair EVERY DAY and sometimes TWICE a day to keep the oil at bay.
I am now at day 6 of going ‘poo free. I am using baking soda and vinegar rinses to wash my hair. So far my hair is fine immediately after the shower but it’s still pretty oily 12 hours later. The article said there is a transitional period which I am apparently experiencing. Eventually my scalp will stop excreting so much oil and my hair will suddenly transform into gorgeous, bouncy, awesome hair! I can’t wait!
2. Write More, Create More, Productize Knowledge
Looking at my life, I am most happy when I am writing and creating. I am also tired of selling myself one hour at a time. I want to write and create more… blogs, ebooks, articles, books, videos, webinars, etc… I want to then SELL these “products” so I don’t have to sell myself one hour at a time.
3. Join Toastmasters OR find other ways to improve public speaking
I love speaking to an audience. I think it has to do with not acting anymore and using the public speaking as a way to get before an audience and emote. I feel really good about my presentation skills but I also know that I could be better. I want to make sure that I do SOMETHING to improve my skills this year.
4. Stop eating shit sandwiches
I keep finding myself accepting crap without question. I keep thinking of PB. I kept that relationship going despite the fact I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t like I was married with kids and had a reason to stick in it. I just stuck in it because I apparently like the taste of shit sandwiches. I need to start realizing when I am not happy and then become proactive to change things. I need to be more egotistical and selfish. I need to stop caring about other people. Uhhh, this is getting weird.
5. Keep house clean & simplify possessions
I say this every year. Keep house clean. Divest! Blah blah blah. So let’s do this…
Hang up, fold or put clothes in hamper before going to sleep at night.
Put dishes in the dishwasher immediately after using them.
Empty dishwasher the same day it has run.
Spend 1 day a month getting rid of things that I don’t use, need, or want.
6. Travel More
I have over than 100,000 Holiday Inn Priority Points. It’s time to put them to some use. I want to get out of Dodge more. I want to TRAVEL! Here’s the thing, I would be happy if I could just get myself over to the Jersey Shore or Baltimore or NYC! But ultimately I want to go even further. I’d like to visit:
Sedona
Portland, Seattle, Vancouver
Grand Canyon
Somewhere in Florida
7. Live more, work less
My life is spent feeling like I am on a treadmill. I feel like I have blinders on. I want to experience my life. I want to live. I am tired of feeling like I am always working. Always preparing for calamity. I am unable to read a book or watch a movie or call my friends because I feel like I should be WORKING! WORK WORK WORK! When I am not working, I feel guilty. I feel like I am wasting time and that something terrible will happen. The funny part is, I am not all that productive. I spend a lot of time just sitting at my desk because I feel like I am working. Look, I realize this is insane. I don’t know how this happened to me. I want to work smart and I want to play. I want to be able to say, “Work is over for the day, you can now read a book or watch a movie or do laundry or exercise…” and not feel guilty for doing it.
I often think if I could just find a partner everything would be okay. I would have someone to share the responsibilities and it wouldn’t just be me doing… everything. As it is, I think it’s best to just get my head around doing it myself.
So let’s do this…
Get better understanding of finances. Somehow I have lost track of my cashflow. Once I better understand exactly what I need, I may be able to realize that I am okay and I can breath. Once I do that, I can then relax and read a book or exercise but mainly LIVE!
8. Become an early riser
I don’t sleep in. I rarely if ever sleep past 9. Heck, I don’t sleep past 8. I am usually up between 7 and 7:30. I want to get up earlier. My dad woke up at 6am almost every day of his life. I want to get up at 6am and put those early hours to good use.
9. Amplify my business message online
Grow my LinkedIn network by over 7,000 1st degree connections.
Increase my LinkedIn Group to over 1,000 members.
Increase my Twitter followers to over 5,000.
Start using G+ more effectively.
10. I want to better understand how I want the story of my life to turn out
I need to better understand what I am ultimately aiming for in my life. I want to have a very clear idea of what I want and how I am going to obtain it. This is also important because it will help me to realize when I achieve it. Wouldn’t it be funny if all I really want is to have my own place, a boyfriend and a cat? All I’d need to do is get a cat and everything would be pretty much good to go. But I know I want more. I am just not 100% set on what I want. I can’t visualize and attract if I don’t know what I want.
In the immortal words of Yul Bryner:
So let it be written, so let it be done!
What a year. What a freaking crazy year. Who would have thought that in 1 year, I would lose my father and find myself single again? Not me. It’s almost all good. I am glad I am single but I miss my dad so very much. Slowly, his absence is beginning to feel almost normal.
At any rate, every year I look back at last year’s resolutions and see what I accomplished. Here we go…
Donna’s Resolutions for 2011 Revisited
Continued Independent Business Success My business will continue to support me. I will make more money than I need. I will work with people I like, respect and believe in. Clients will seek me out. I love what I do.
Success! I survived another year relying on no one but me.
Paid Public Speaker and Join Toastmasters I will continue my public speaking, the main difference is I will get paid for my engagements. I will also join Toastmasters to improve my speaking.
Semi-success! Although I am often unpaid, I do get paid to speak with more and more frequency. I have booked some amazing (PAID!) engagements for next year! Unfortunately, I did not join Toastmasters.
Published Author I wrote the eBook, now it’s time to get it published for real. Plus, this is what will get me paid speaking engagements. DEADLINE: FEBRUARY.
Success! I wrote and published my first book. I dedicated it to my father who ordered it from Amazon and saw the dedication just weeks before he died. I am so glad he pushed me to get the book written and published.
Course on Graphic Design/Website Design Just do it. Figure it out and do it.
Failure. I am beginning to think I should just get information on how to outsource this work.
Stay Calm, Have Fun, Enjoy Life, Paint, Sketch, Sing, Dance, Walk, Breath, Smile, Love I will push away from the computer. I will emit a Buddhist-like serenity and calmness. I will smile and be happy and enjoy myself. I will say yes to opportunities and have fun.
Failure. I need to work harder on these items. I feel like I am constantly hustling for a dime. If I am not hustling, I worry that money isn’t coming in and I panic. I somehow have myself convinced that as long as I am sitting by my computer I am being productive… which is a joke. I need to claim my life. I need to live. I need to breath. I need to work and I need to play.
SIMPLIFY! DIVEST! GET RID OF THE GARBAGE! Stop collecting. Stop hanging on to things I don’t need. Release items back into the world for others to enjoy. Clear out clutter and distraction. It’s time to make my world easier to render, kill old tasks, free up computing resources for newer, better, richer experiences. (Thank you Steve Pavlina)
Success. Pookie Bear is gone.
Do things quickly, despite initial discomfort Yeah, I am talking about this insane procrastination. End it.
Failure. I put this one off.
Exercise, Be Fit, Feel Good, Move, Stretch, Eat right Good things happen when you move– so do it.
Failure. Big time.
Determine exactly what I want– and make it happen Know the answer to What would I do if I won a million dollars? And then rather than wait until I have a million dollars– just do it now.
Failure. I need to make time and really think this through. I know I want business success. I want freedom. I want to travel. I want a partner. But this is just so hazy. Do I want children? Do I really want to travel or do I just like the way it sounds? What does business success look like to me? I need to get more focused on the answers.
I will create a new entry to post my 2012 Resolutions.
Menu > Settings > SD & Phone Storage > Factory Data Reset
I reset my HTC Evo 3D. I even wiped the SD card. So far it seems better. It’s responsive, finally. Fingers crossed it keeps behaving.
This afternoon, a client said to me that I reminded her of her cousin. We are both tall with similar voices, she said.
“What does she do?”
“She’s an aerialist”
“An aerialist?”
“She’s in the circus… she flies around on a trapeze.”
Ok.
I had quite a day yesterday. Christmas Brunch at Erin’s. I got to see Cathy and RJ’s honeymoon pictures. Looking at them frolicking in Australia, I couldn’t help but marvel at how things change. I remember when RJ announced his engagement to Cathy on Facebook. It was on Christmas day last year. At that time, I was waiting for PB to propose to me. He had promised to propose on New Year’s Eve. Of course, it didn’t quite happen that way. I remember feeling so destroyed when New Year’s Eve rolled around and nothing happened. I think it was the next day that I told PB I was finished with him and that he should pack his bags and leave. Instead of leaving he finally produced the long anticipated ring. It was too late. I remember my gut told me to run. I didn’t run but nor did I say yes. I kept thinking he would re-propose the right way. He didn’t. He did eventually take the cheap ring back. Couple months later, my father died and my eyes finally opened and courage returned. I ended the 5 year relationship by not returning his 3 phone calls. Yep.
Looking at Cathy and RJ and seeing how happy they are, I kept thinking how lucky I am. I could have married PB and then I’d be divorced by now. I stayed in that relationship for so long because I feared being alone and single and back in the dating pool. I am so much happier now. Life is so much better. Why was I so scared to be on my own? Why did I put up with so much crap for so long?
I brought Big E with me to Erin’s brunch. On our drive to her house, he didn’t throw any tantrums and while we were there, he was friendly and talkative. Imagine that! It was stress-free and totally enjoyable. My life has changed.
After brunch, we went to Asbury Park. We sat on a bench on the boardwalk and watched the moon hover above the ocean, leaving a trail of light across the waves. Once we were sufficiently frozen, we entered the Pinball museum and played Skeeball and other games for a half hour. Instead of going straight home, we went to Shady Brook Farm and drove through their Holiday Light Show.
180 degrees. And with the exception of my father not being here, I am happy with the changes.
