In Latin Impact class tonight, Glenda had us dance to a song by some group called The Soca Boys. It’s called Follow The Leader but in the middle of the song they start singing “The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on FIRE! Never mind the water, let the ____ – ____ BURN!” I always feel really uncomfortable because I want to sing the bleeped words but it’s not really appropriate, is it? Did you know that the Bloodhound Gang did not come up with the whole, “The Roof is on Fire” bit? I always thought they did! I knew it was about the MOVE incident and the Bloodhound Gang are from the Philly area, so it made sense. The song came out in 1984 by Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three. Not The Bloodhound Gang. The lead singer of the Bloodhound Gang is named Jimmy Pop. I met him years ago. We worked on a movie together. He acted and I held a boom mike. He tried to steal my car. But he apparently felt bad and brought it back. Or maybe he just took it for a joy ride. I don’t know. It was weird.

I spent some time looking at other Website affiliate programs and found one called LinkShare.com. They have a list of companies and you can go through and apply to become an advertiser.  The company checks out your Website and then decides if they want you hawking their wares and if so, you then get to paste a link to them on your Website.  I went through their list of advertisers and submitted donnaville to a ton of different companies– companies that I shop at and buy things from such as Shutterfly, SiriusXM, Match.com, etc…  I did it mainly for sh*ts and giggles. One of the companies I picked was Walmart.  And you won’t believe this but Walmart TURNED ME DOWN!!!

Dear Donna,

Thank you for submitting your application to the Wal-Mart.com Affiliate
Program. We appreciate your interest in our program.

Wal-Mart.com carefully reviews each application to our program. Unfortunately, we do not feel that your Web site meets the criteria we have established for acceptance. At this time Wal-Mart.com is looking for affiliates with high traffic sites that have the potential for high sales volume. In addition, Wal-Mart.com will not accept into its affiliate program sites that fit the following descriptions:

1. Promote sexually explicit material
2. Promote violence or hate toward any persons or groups
3. Promote illegal activities
4. Promote alcohol, tobacco, gambling/lottery in any way
5. Promote the use of pyramid, ¿ponzi¿, or similar investment schemes
6. Promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation, or age
7. Contain, in our sole judgment, material that is defamatory, fraudulent, or harassing to us or any third party
8. Are known as ¿blogging sites¿, defined as sites that contain only blogging and no other form of informational content
9. Include ¿walmart¿, ¿wal-mart¿ or variations or misspellings thereof in their domain names
10. Otherwise violate intellectual property rights of Wal-Mart.com, Wal-Mart Stores or its suppliers
11. Disparage Walmart.com, Wal-Mart Stores or their suppliers
12. Are under construction or not live at the time of application
13. Require a username and password to access
14. Are non-US based or are sites that primarily serve a non-US based audience
15. Any other reason based on Wal-Mart’s sole judgment.

Sincerely,

The Walmart.com Affiliate Team

I can’t believe I offended Walmart!!!  I mean, did they even look at my page?  Actually, I think they did.  Donnaville falls right into reason #8.  Yes, I offer no form of informational content.  Just my rambling drivel.  I also have been consistently spelling it wrong– I always thought it was Walmart.  I was wrong, it’s Wal-Mart. The thing is, I still love them and their cheap products and I will continue to shop there until the world becomes nothing more than a huge landfill full of their products. Their decision? It’s business, and I can accept that.

I had a guy come up to me after the meeting I led last night and tell me that I am not accomplishing enough. I need to do more, he said! It’s not enough to just educate! I need to make change happen in other ways!
“I agree but I am doing this all alone and I need help.”
“Why don’t you join me and we can implement change together?” I said.
“No, sorry. I am too busy”

Isn’t that hysterical? I love people like that. I run into them all the time. They just love to tell you that you’re not doing enough or not doing whatever right but they won’t lift a finger to help. I wonder if there is a word to describe them? Non-actionable critics? Critical do-nothings? Stupid jerk heads?

I think it’s the same (or very similar) personality quirk that makes people go to blogs and write invalidating, weird, argumentative comments. If we were to remove it from cyberspace and place it into a real world setting, it would be like a person coming to your house and taking a huge stinky dump on your front doorstep. No one has yet taken a dump in my living room (not including Bobo, but he’s a dog so he doesn’t count) but I have cleaned up many stinky dumps from my comments section. I don’t get it. I don’t understand it.

Here’s an old pic of Bo looking guilty…

It’s been one week since I loaded ole Donnaville with advertisements. In that one week period, I made $5.73. I was about to say that I saw my readership plunge but I just remembered Dustbury linked to me on the 21st and that always gives me a little traffic lift and that’s the reason why it looks like it plunged… it just went back to normal.

I watched Malibu Shark Attack last night. I am very worried for Peta’s career. You see, Peta was very… chunky. I tried not to care because aren’t I always railing against weight obsession? But she was so pudgy! And big time producers don’t cast chunky leading ladies! And her beautiful hair was cut like Moe Howard’s! Bowl-cut, parted in the middle. In the very first scene, upon seeing her belly, I exclaimed, “Maybe she’s pregnant!”
Pookie Bear said, “You said she was in La Femme Nikita?”
“Yeah”
“Don’t you mean La Butch Nikita?”
“POOKIE! I love her!”
“La Femme Dyke-ita”
“NO!”
“La Chunky!”
This went on throughout the entire movie.
The movie was schlocky which I can appreciate. I was sad to find that the Goblin Sharks were really a species of shark. I thought they were going to be supernatural gremlin-like sharks! No dice.

I want Peta Wilson to star in movies like the Bourne Identity as a Jason Bourne-like character. She could be a thief working for the government or a renegade spy or a regular person in need of clearing her good name. There would be lots of European locations and chase scenes but limited gun battles. Maybe she can star in a remake of Bullitt as the Steve McQueen character! Or The Ipcress File? Or Three Days of the Condor? Or Le Cercle Rouge. I would actually pay to see movies like this and not wait for them to hit Redbox.

Unfortunately I am not sure this will ever happen now. I did notice that her name is not listed in the movie’s credits on IMDB. I wonder if that was intentional on her part?

I totally loved this! “I grab my man boobs and offer them to you!”

I love Paula Begoun! She wrote the book, “Don’t Go to the Cosmetics Counter Without Me.” I credit her for turning my skin around. For years I suffered from acne. I tried so hard to get rid of it! Back then I used to scrub Noxema onto my face using a wash cloth and then I’d follow it by a splash of Seabreeze. And if I knew anyone going to Mexico, I’d get them to bring me back a tube of Retin A which I would empty within a month. Paula woke me up to the damage I was doing to my skin with this insane regimen. I used to believe if my skin was tingling and red, it meant that the stuff was working and my skin was getting CLEAN! Uh, nope. I also remember in her book she actually wrote if you have a big whitehead— go ahead and pop it! That really shook me because every magazine article I ever read said NEVER pop a zit no matter what! This advice never made sense to me and caused me much anxiety– are you supposed to let the pus just sit in there and fester forever? So anyway, I subscribe to Paula’s Beauty Bulletin newsletter and a woman wrote in and asked her to recommend a good, cheap skincare routine. Here is Paula’s answer:

Here’s what I recommend to get your combination skin looking healthy, smooth and beautiful (and all of these recommendations are respectful of your budget without sacrificing product quality):

Cleanser: Clean & Clear Daily Pore Cleanser, Oil-Free ($5.49 for 5.5 ounces) or Olay Foaming Face Wash for Sensitive Skin ($4.49 for 6.7 ounces) (

Exfoliant: Neutrogena Healthy Skin Face Lotion, Night ($12.59 for 2.5 ounces) or Paula’s Choice 8% Alpha Hydroxy Acid Gel ($18.95 for 4 ounces)

Daytime Moisturizer with Sunscreen: Avon Mark For Goodness Face Antioxidant Skin Moisturizing Lotion with Sunscreen SPF 30 ($15 for 1.7 ounces) or Paula’s Choice Essential Non-Greasy Sunscreen SPF 15 ($14.95 for 6 ounces)

Nighttime moisturizer for dry areas: Olay Total Effects 7X Visible Anti-Aging Vitamin Complex, Fragrance Free ($18.99 for 1.7 ounces) or Paula’s Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel ($18.95 for 2 ounces)

Serum/specialty product: Olay Regenerist Daily Regenerating Serum, Fragrance Free ($19.49 for 1.7 ounces) or Paula’s Choice Super Antioxidant Concentrate ($24.95 for 1 ounce).

Your routine is as follows: Cleanse your face morning and evening (particularly in the evening, to remove makeup); follow with the exfoliant and allow it to absorb. Your next step in the morning is to apply sunscreen, and this can be followed by makeup, if desired (allow several minutes for the sunscreen to absorb/set before applying makeup). In the evening, after cleansing apply the exfoliant again (if desired; you may find once-per-day application in the morning works best) and then the serum would be applied all over your face, including around the eyes. Apply moisturizer only where needed (dry patches, perhaps the skin around the eyes). That’s it! Following this simple routine should get your skin in great shape and you can add other products only if needed.

How awesomely cheap and easy is that? I had no intention of writing about zit popping but I really just want to make sure I have this recommendation recorded somewhere for my own reference.

Yesterday I saw Sandy Bullocks latest movie, The Proposal. It was cute, I enjoyed it. I was shocked to see her so… NAKED in it! There are some celebrities I DO NOT want to see naked. Sandy is one of them. Joan Jett is another. I do not want to see Renee Zellweger’s boobies. Signourney Weaver should always remain totally clothed. And Gwyneth Paltrow too. And then there are some celebrities that I just expect them to remove their clothes and jump around shaking their wobbly bits. Angelina Jolie, Sharon Stone, Scarlet Johanson, etc… Sandy pretty much kept the main parts hidden but I am sorry, just because I can’t see your nipples but I can see everything else doesn’t mean I didn’t see you naked. I will say I was totally fascinated with her body. She had no cellulite or any excess skin. She appeared to not have any hair lower than her eyeballs or for that matter any pores. She was totally smooth in an almost alien way. Lisa said she probably had some sort of resurfacing work done. However she achieved it, she looked good– and flaunt it if you got it. Heck, if I looked like her I’d go to the grocery store naked and say things like, “I’m still using my first razor!” or “I don’t know, I do nothing and I just stay so SOFT!” Instead I have been known to shout, “4-6 WEEKS my ass! It’s more like 4-6 HOURS!”

I am so excited! Tonight on the SyFy channel (WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? WHY WOULD THEY TAKE A NAME THAT IS SPELLED CORRECTLY AND MAKES SENSE AND TOTALLY BASTARDIZE IT??? I KNOW WHY AND I DON’T LIKE IT– I TELL YOU, YOU DO NOT ABANDON THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU TO THE DANCE AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE DOING) is the debut of the SyFy original, soon to become classic movie, Malibu Shark Attack! Okay, I am not exactly excited about the movie but my favorite actress, Peta Wilson is starring in it as a lifeguard who discovers GOBLIN SHARKS!!! I love love love Peta– mainly from her turn as Nikita on La Femme Nikita. I still watch it over and over again, even today– a good 10 years after it was on first run syndication. There’s something about her voice and hair and the paranoia of the plot that just moves me. I am sick. I know.

A tsunami brings goblin sharks to Malibu, Cal., after a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from dry land. Peta Wilson, Warren Christie, Chelan Simmons.

I hope Malibu Shark Attack is good!

I awoke at 5am. My mind was racing. After a 1/2 hour I decided I might as well get up. And now I feel foggy. How is that possible?

Last night was Latin Impact. Glenda included a punta for us. I am not sure if it’s the dance I love or just the name of it. At the end of the class Glenda said, “Take Care Chicas!” I wanted to reply, “See ya later Papi Chulo!” But I wasn’t sure if that would be considered appropriate so I just said, “Take Care!”

I am getting so good at filling my days without work. I visit my parents. I clean. I visit my parents. I sleep. I walk. I ride my bicycle. I visit my parents. Perhaps instead of working towards a career, I should have tried to get a rich husband so all my days could be filled so sweetly.

Time to clean!

Last night was free pizza night at Vince’s Pizza, our local pizzeria. You buy one pizza and you get a second plain pizza FREE! So I went home to partake in all the pizza goodness my father brought home.

As soon as he dropped the pizzas on the table my father said, “What’s this crap about a concealed weapon permit?”
“Well, errr, uhhhhhh.”
He then told me that he didn’t think it was a smart idea. He said that not only would it be easy to take a gun off me (little weak thing that I am) but guns give you a false sense of confidence. He said that ultimately the point of a gun is death and would I be able to live with myself if push came to shove? He gave me a ton of other reasons why a gun may not be a good idea for me. It made me think of this song by Johnny Cash, Don’t Take Your Guns to Town:

The thing is… I just want the permit. I wouldn’t get a gun until I am 100% trained on how to use it and clean it and store it, etc… And we know I have NO follow through. The likelihood of me accomplishing any of that is just above nil. But maybe I am just being crazy to even talk about it. Maybe I am better not having one. Besides… MY BODY IS MY WEAPON! Don’t make me go BERSERK!

I LOVE Billy Jack! Sorry, I couldn’t resist!