I watched Malibu Shark Attack last night. I am very worried for Peta’s career. You see, Peta was very… chunky. I tried not to care because aren’t I always railing against weight obsession? But she was so pudgy! And big time producers don’t cast chunky leading ladies! And her beautiful hair was cut like Moe Howard’s! Bowl-cut, parted in the middle. In the very first scene, upon seeing her belly, I exclaimed, “Maybe she’s pregnant!”
Pookie Bear said, “You said she was in La Femme Nikita?”
“Yeah”
“Don’t you mean La Butch Nikita?”
“POOKIE! I love her!”
“La Femme Dyke-ita”
“NO!”
“La Chunky!”
This went on throughout the entire movie.
The movie was schlocky which I can appreciate. I was sad to find that the Goblin Sharks were really a species of shark. I thought they were going to be supernatural gremlin-like sharks! No dice.

I want Peta Wilson to star in movies like the Bourne Identity as a Jason Bourne-like character. She could be a thief working for the government or a renegade spy or a regular person in need of clearing her good name. There would be lots of European locations and chase scenes but limited gun battles. Maybe she can star in a remake of Bullitt as the Steve McQueen character! Or The Ipcress File? Or Three Days of the Condor? Or Le Cercle Rouge. I would actually pay to see movies like this and not wait for them to hit Redbox.

Unfortunately I am not sure this will ever happen now. I did notice that her name is not listed in the movie’s credits on IMDB. I wonder if that was intentional on her part?