Back in 1995, I went to Berlin and saw a man who stopped me in my tracks. He wore the craziest pair of glasses and I immediately assumed he was as interesting as his glasses. Unfortunately, after talking to him for about 3 minutes I realized he was just a douche bag and nothing special. But I learned something that day and that is the power of a funky pair of glasses.

A few months later, back in the US, I bought my first pair of insane glasses: LaFont’s Prima Donna cat eyes. They were gorgeous! I wore them proudly despite the fact most people snickered and asked if I was wearing my mom’s glasses.

My regular pair (not the LaFonts) recently snapped and I realized I needed a new pair. Here’s what they look like:

My father picked these glasses for me. I remember putting on pair after pair and then turning to him to see his reaction. When I put on the ProDesigns and turned to him, he smiled and I knew they were my mine. I wore them for years and my father always complemented them. It was just a couple weeks ago that the right arm snapped clean off. I went back to wearing the LaFont glasses but as I said, people snicker and ask if they are my mom’s glasses. It became clear, I needed a new pair.

When it’s time for glasses, there is only one place to go and that is Steve Robbins Eyewear. Steve NEVER disappoints when it comes to unique glasses. And it didn’t take long to find my new specs. I think it was after the 2nd or 3rd ones I tried on, Lisa told me to close my eyes. She placed a pair of glasses on my nose, turned me to a mirror and said, “Open your eyes!” (Yes, I am pretty sure she put on a Penelope Cruz-accent when she said it)

“SOLD!” I shouted.

Aren’t they perfect?! I love them! So retro! So unique! If these don’t impart personality to me…. NOTHING WILL!

I also bought a pair of sunglasses. It was quite a splurge for me but I have never seen a pair of sunglasses like these PLUS I’ve been through a ton of crap the last few months, I figured a splurge was in order.

Okay, okay… The real justification is that when I put these sunglasses on, I feel like a 50’s starlet and Superhero hybrid. And honestly, isn’t that self-actualization at it’s best?

I couldn’t help but notice I am posting WAY more since the death of my father and the abandonment by Pookie Bear.

I think it has less to do with my dad and more to do with an increase in free time and no longer having to curb what I write because Pookie didn’t want me writing ANYTHING about him. This was pretty difficult since my life pretty much revolved around him. Whatever the reason, I can only hope that the increase in posts are an improvement. My father delighted in telling me that my blog had become an embarrassment. I think he’d tell me, “Quantity doesn’t equate to quality, Donna.”

I’ll eventually start dating again and that’s always fun recounting the terrible experiences. Perhaps it’ll get better again. Maybe I can get back to the heyday when I had 5 regular visitors and 90 entries a month. Practice makes perfect and I’ve only been maintaining a personal Website since 1996, spycaming since 1998, and blogging since 1999. I’ll find my way… eventually.

I am not sure but I may be getting hardwood floors next week! They aren’t really hardwood… more like Pergo or laminate or whatever you call them… but I am super excited! My house is going to look AWESOME! I guess I’ll know soon. The guy I talked to should bring me samples soon. He says he can get the job done fast.

This evening I sat by myself out at the Bensalem Amphitheater listening to a bunch of dirty hippies singing 60’s music. Listening to their uneven, off-kilter warbling, I thought to myself, “How did it come to this?” I don’t think it was coincidence that I was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the words, “Out of Order.” It was just a little over 2 months ago that life seemed pretty normal to me. I talked to my dad almost every day and I thought I was finally at that point where I was going to get married and start moving in the direction of the future I had always planned for myself. Two months later, I am sitting in the middle of a field about ready to rumble with the jerk behind me because he wouldn’t stop talking but even worse, he COULDN’T NAME THE SINGER OF SWEET CAROLINE! I am sorry but he deserved a foot up his butt.

I am not complaining or looking for guidance. I am just venting. I am undoubtedly better off in some respects. At least now my eyes are open. I just wish I could get past this feeling of… I don’t know.

Whatever. If anything, I am finally spending money on some much needed home improvements. After the floors, I think I may replace the carpeting in the loft… like gray berber, maybe. Of course, I could just take the money and move to Key West. Live on the beach. Spend my days at Sloppy Joe’s. And one day, just wash away.

I posted a link to a funny article on Facebook and I received a personal message from a caring individual:

Donna,

Just checking -you know the article about networking is a spoof, right?

Of course, comedy only works if it’s built on truth – so there’s certainly some valid stuff there.

Hope all is well – keep the information flowing!

The article was from THE ONION!?! Is he an idiot or does he think I am? Each time I get over the most recent wave of anger, something arises to get me back into a foul mood. Yesterday I was about ready to hunt down the woman at the American Express department that deals with deceased customers… she had me BOILING! The anger didn’t dissipate. It stayed with me until I fell asleep.

Today I am feeling a bit better. Mr Onion only produced a flash of anger… it didn’t hang around.

I am so tired. I think I could actually crawl into bed and fall asleep.

I keep meaning to go swimming. The community pool opened. But the weather doesn’t agree or time gets away from me.

Tomorrow I plan on going to the Bensalem Amphitheater to see the Large Flowerheads perform hits from the groovy ’60s. Will I get there? Maybe. I wish the Rivers Rockabilly Trio could just perform there every week. Along with an Elvis stylist. That would make me very very happy.

Lisa and I went shopping yesterday. In the car, riding to TJMaxx, Lisa said, “I don’t like how you portrayed me on your blog.”

“I thought you didn’t read my blog anymore.”

“I don’t, I just made an exception yesterday.”

“What don’t you like about it?”

“You made me seem cruel and blunt.”

“You are cruel and blunt.”

“You misquoted me! I said, ‘Since someone wants her, why aren’t there guys out there that want us!”

So I offer this entry as a correction and as an apology to my sister… although I know how I transcribed it originally is totally correct.

So it looks like we may have secured free lodging at a South Carolina island for the end of June/beginning of July. Bo can come with us which is the real bonus. As much as we’ve wanted to get away, we have no one to take care of Bo. He’s not your regular dog… he’s a bit like a baby. Yes, we are guilty of anthropomorphising, whatever. The best news is we will be back before Blobfest!

How do you negotiate a free rental? Make friends with rich people. It’s true! My mom’s best friend has been trying to get us to stay at her place for years but we always felt it wasn’t right. This time, I don’t think any of us care if it’s right or not. We need to get away. Walking the beach and watching the ocean may be just what the doctor ordered.

I am doing better. A bit. There are times when I am consumed by a deep anger that makes me want to take up kickboxing again just so I can smash some faces in… and then there are other times when I feel peaceful and grateful for how things worked out.

My biggest challenge is focusing on what I want and not re-living the crap that I went through. Rather than re-playing my last two interactions with Pookie over and over in my mind, I need to concentrate on the type of man I want in my life. The one thing I need to determine is where do healthy, well-adjusted, single men in the 38-42 age range, who are not afraid of commitment, congregate? Grief Counseling for Widowers? Single Father Support Groups?

This was always my problem in the past. They are out there… but where? And before anyone suggests it, I am going to hold off on online dating until I have to do it. The men on those sites are jerks and if there is a good one in their midst, I don’t have the patience to sift through the garbage. Besides, I am questioning my ability to tell good eggs from bad eggs.

At any rate, I am looking forward to our upcoming vacation. I can’t wait to get away from the world.

I survived Reunion Weekend! Friday night at Kelly’s was pretty amazing. I counted 8 RSVPs. Imagine my surprise when 20 girls showed up! One of the girls took me aside and said, “Donna, do you remember when we were Interpretive Dance together?”

“Yeah, that was back when I was doing my Isadora Duncan THANG!”

“I doubt you remember this but the one day, we were trying to get into the spirit of Miriam Makeba and I looked over at you and you had such an intense look on your face… well, I sketched you… and I brought it to show you.”

And from out of her bag she produces a framed drawing OF ME! Blew me away! I actually do kinda remember her sketching me.

Here’s a video of Miriam… imagine a group of white girls doing a series of “jazz hands” to this and you’ll have a pretty accurate idea of Interpretive Dance at Rosemont.

Yeah, not too much different than this:

The Gala on Saturday was less attended… only 5 girls showed up! Our 15 year class picture is going to look pretty pathetic! Oh well. It was lovely being at Rosemont again and amongst old classmates. I felt my dad’s spirit there with me. He was so instrumental getting me to go to Rosemont and he loved it as much as I did. There were a couple points I choked back tears because I could just close my eyes and go back to the Father/Daughter Luncheon or moving in day or any of the times he was there helping me. Dammit I miss him.

I am not feeling that much better, today. No excuses. I have work that needs to get done. And tonight is the kick off of Rosemont’s Reunion Weekend. I have a feeling I am going to be talking about my book and Dad. Actually, I don’t have to bring up Dad. I doubt anyone knows.

I ate a rather large lunch and now I feel like I could just drop into a food coma.

Entirely unproductive. A total waste of a day. I am just simply unable to concentrate or do anything. I feel jaded. I am disappointed in so many people… 3. It’s funny how even with the lowest expectations, some people still fail. I had the most frustrating and infuriating conversation today. My father once told me it’s a mistake to assume people are all the same. People are different from you, they have different experiences and different abilities. This is the reason why what is obvious to me, isn’t obvious to everyone. And why apologizing just doesn’t seem like a good idea to some people.

I am tired. I think my body is still recovering from the vast amounts of alcohol I poured into it yesterday. Yesterday was such an awesome day. I parked my car in the middle of a field and ran through a wooded area to get to the Amphitheater where the Rockabilly band played. I felt so free running amid the trees. I tried to cement the sounds and smells and sights of that moment in my memory. At the concert, I stood and danced while everyone else sat parked in lawn chairs. They played so many amazing songs, how people could stay seated is beyond me. There was a little venom. Some woman walked by me and sneered, “You keep rockin’, girlie.”

“Eat your heart out, mama” I replied.

After the concert, Laura drove me to the casino in her red BMW convertible. It was a beautiful night and I reached my arms up toward the stars and felt the air rush past me. It reminded me of those couple days I spent in Wisconsin back in 1998, driving around in an old convertible that kept stalling out. When we got to the casino, I was turned away because I didn’t have my ID. Yes, I was carded. Apparently I look young… which is pure silliness but I’ll take it as a compliment nonetheless. Honestly, I think the guard was just flexing his power.

Let’s hope tomorrow will be a good, productive day. It may be just as magical as yesterday… just minus the serenading, romantic, and unfortunately married, Buddy Holly impersonator.

I am sitting at my desk being totally unproductive. If I am not going to work, why can’t I take a walk, fold laundry, putter around… anything but sit in front of the computer? I guess it stops me from feeling too guilty. As if proximity to work somehow equals productivity. My business consultant said I need to keep an eye on myself as if I were a paid employee. “Judge your actions as if you were a person you hired.. if you wouldn’t want them doing what you are doing, STOP DOING IT!” I guess that means I gotta get back to work.

The last week and a half has been a challenge for me. I keep thinking of my dad and choking up. In fact, I said to my mom, “I just realized I have spent almost two months either crying or on the verge of crying.”

Tomorrow is the start of Reunion Weekend. Yeah, it’s my 15 year college reunion. I am kinda excited. My problem is the girls I hung out with and loved were not in my class. My class was populated with girls that didn’t take too well to my kind. (My kind? Y’know, the non-drinking, non-partying, studious, wounded kind) Truthfully, I didn’t take to them. At any rate, my love for Rosemont (WOMEN’S) College (pre-2010) is well known and I look forward to going back even if I will be spending it with girls I wasn’t close to back then.

I have so much I could be doing and all I want to do is think of my dad and Buddy Holly. I am also imagining my new office furniture. I can hardly wait!