Spent yesterday with my mom, Lisa, and cousins who are visiting from Chicago. We walked around Princeton and then drove into Trenton to a Polish restaurant for some Carpatho-Rusnak soul food… Halupki, pierohi, keibasa, and potato pancakes. The place looked like a hole in the wall and I was nervous going inside but once the door swung open, it was like we stepped right into the Ukraine, or Poland or Slovakia. My dad would have LOVED IT!
It’s a week today. I watched the hands of the clock slowly inch toward 7:30 AM and I thought back to everything that occurred one week ago, namely, my dad’s final breath. I got off easy. I think of my mom and Lisa and what they went through and I could cry just thinking of them. But they are doing fine.
Monday is going to be the real turning point. That’s when the house empties and our lives go back to usual… or the way usual will be from now on. The house will be quiet. Life will go on, somehow.
One thing that really struck me after my mother passed in 2005 was how everything lost some of its joy. I remember going out to eat or to a movie and it just wasn’t the same, there was a sadness that seemed settled over everything, even the most mundane. That too will pass, as I have found out and then I seemed left with just the good memories. But every May 1st at 3:42 am I wake up, because that’s when I got my call. And then, even for that short time I relieve those moments from May 1st, 2005. Your life will continue as normal, but you will always have those moments. They will be fewer and maybe not as frequent, but you will always remember that morning when your phone rang. I know I do.
For me it’s 5 pm on March 29. On that day back in 2003 the sun was shining and the air was warm, but when I received the call from my dad the world stopped. Life was transformed into a inner world of shock, disbelief, and turmoil. it took me months to recover. Nothing is worse than losing a parent, especially one who chooses to take life’s exit ramp. After awhile, you realize that life presents challenges that can’t be controlled, and that the only way to live life is forward, not backward. But you sound like someone who comprehends that reality. You’re ahead of the game.