Ugh!

1. Damn that Audra for recommending PS I Love You. I spent Sunday afternoon bawling my eyes out! And can I just say that I am still coveting Hilary Swank’s wardrobe in that movie! She looked like a cross between Audrey Hepburn and Judy Garland. Loved it! Watching it, I wanted to start acting like a horrific bitch since that is what apparently attracts strong, handsome Irish men. You see, men are attracted to women who are constantly angry. When faced with a seething harlot, a man’s love deepens. And then right before he dies of a massive brain tumor, he can’t help but create an elaborate plan in which he leaves just the sweetest and oh so slightly morbid love notes around the house to find. I’m just teasing, I did enjoy it. LOVED IT, in fact! And I recommend it to people with vaginae.

2. I met Nathan! Yes, “He Who Leaves Comments” and I met at the Bethlehem Musikfest! Nathan is just as cool and cute as one would surmise from the comments he leaves here and the blog he rarely updates. I hope I didn’t scare him too much with my intense devotion to the Red Elvises.

3. I am supposed to be in Memphis. But I am not. Northwest denied us boarding this morning. They overbooked and bumped us– bumped us to the NEXT DAY!!!! Unfortunately, our suitcases were not bumped and are hopefully patiently waiting for us in Memphis.

4. There was a 4. I just can’t remember it. Dang it!

Looking back

What a day I’ve had! Believe me, I am not complaining. I didn’t pass an object the size of a turkey as did my friend, Audra. 🙂 I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the day. It was lovely seeing little baby Julia. She looks so much like her daddy, Steve. Audra was simply aglow! Lit from within, I’d say. I feel so blessed to have been able to share a tiny piece of their happiness today. It’s a beautiful thing.

Walmartisexual

I stopped at Walmart today to pick up some gift bags to hold the presents we had for Audra. As I was walking out with my goods, I caught sight of the most puzzling creature. Although she wore feminine clothes, I am pretty sure the plumbing was male. She was about a full foot taller than me and her shoes were about the same size as my dad’s– a size 15. She looked like a linebacker in a Farrah Fawcett wig. As I passed by I heard her telling the Walmart greeter that she was a ventriloquist.

Popping Cherries

I bought a big bag of cherries the other day when I was at the grocery store. They looked like beautiful sweet cherries but instead they are totally bland. I’m trying to come up with something to do with them since I can’t see myself eating them. Maybe a pie?

Also, on Saturday I got pulled over by a cop. This was my very first time ever getting pulled over. My heart immediately began to race! Lisa was in the passenger seat and she told me to calm down. I couldn’t help my anxiety! I was definitely speeding and I knew I was going to get a real humdinger of a ticket and I totally deserved it.
The cop walked up to my window. I smiled at him hoping to dazzle him with my effervescence. “Ma’am, can I please see your license, registration and proof of insurance?”
“Sure!”
“You were going 62 miles an hour in a 45 mile an hour zone.”
All of a sudden Lisa screams, “Mark? Is that you!?!”
“Lisa?”
Turns out Lisa knew the cop’s boyfriend! They talked a little bit and the cop let me go with a verbal warning. He did say if he ever catches me speeding again he doesn’t care who my sister is, he will give me a ticket! I thanked him and drove away with my tail tucked between my legs.

I feel like the luckiest girl ever! No more speeding for me!

Heh-Whoa Widdle Babbee!

I got a call from Audra’s mom– Audra is fine and little baby Julia is healthy and she is the most beautiful little baby in the entire world! She even emailed me pictures to prove it! And if anything, she understated! Okay, I gotta get myself ready– off I go to the hospital!

All Jumbly inside

This has been quite a weekend for me. I’ve spent most of it biting my nails and thinking of Audra. For those not in the know, Audra is/was very preggers. This is the weekend she’s gonna spit out a little rug rat. I know, it seems too soon for me too. I mean, it was just December when she told me she thought she might be with child. That was just a couple months ago, right? At any rate, I got a call from her hubby on Friday saying the time was nigh but I haven’t heard anything since. I am just so anxious to know the baby is out and well and the name they chose and how much she weighs and if she is the girl we are pretty sure she is. Time will tell. Must be patient.