I want to be on top of my life. I want the kitchen sink to be empty of dishes. I want my invoices sent after finishing jobs. I want my clothes hung in the closet. I want to live without the crap. When mail comes in, I want it sorted and the garbage tossed. I want the food in my freezer labeled and usable.

It seems so easy and yet I struggle. I keep telling myself, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Yet the place for everything seems to be in a heap in the middle of the floor. And I can always find a reason NOT to do it now.

How can I not find 10 minutes to do the dishes? Why is my will so against hanging up clothes and sorting socks?

Things must change!

I spent all day working on my side business’s Website. My intention was to just do some minor housecleaning but somehow I got sucked into doing some major rework. I am happy with what I did– and clearly inspiration struck and I was able to go with it… but I wish I hadn’t spent all day glued to the monitor. I wish I had gone to TJMaxx. Christmas shopping.

Yesterday I went into Philly and visited the Christmas Market. I was surprised to see that they ended up using the word Christmas since there was some hoopla over whether they would use it or not. It was fun walking around the booths and drinking hot spice wine. Reminded me of a Christmas Market I went to in Berlin… it was in a small neighborhood and I remember snowflakes falling. It was really lovely.

I also went to Macy’s. It was too crowded to see their Dickens Village or Holiday Light Show. But I did find a gorgeous dress that fit me to a t. I used the 20% discount coupon I had PLUS the gift card I had unused since last Christmas so I ended up spending about $35.00 on it. I have a speaking engagement in January and although I thought I already had a dress for it– it’s going to be a tough choice. The other dress is one I got at a boutique through a client. That’s what happens when you work with personal stylists. I think both are gorgeous. I am leaning towards the gray dress but who knows. It’s an audience of over 200, maybe more… I want to look my best.

I have three presents bought. Well, actually two. I got a little something for Mr Poopie, I mean Pookie Bear and something for Rosa. I still have mucho more shopping to do although I don’t plan on spending much. I kinda miss the days when I had money shooting out of all orifices… but when that was happening, I was a pretty miserable individual. It’s all give and take, I guess.

I’m watching a La Femme Nikita episode… the one co-starring Nigel Bennett as the Russian replacement to Operations. You know Nigel… he played the master effing vampire LaCroix in my favorite tv show of all time, that is, next to La Femme Nikita… FOREVER KNIGHT!!!!!!! Gosh I miss those days. MISS! But they are over.

I am tired. I try to understand the ephemeral nature of existence. I try to realize this is all temporary and yet I still sometimes feel I am stuck in some odd No Exit reality. l’enfer, c’est les autres

This week I shall try to take it easy. Some Christmas shopping. Lighting the fire in the evenings. Spending time with family and friends. And back away from the damn computer and the incessant urge to make money.

My eyes hurt. I just went through over 200 old email messages. Trying to make some headway. I am tired and am ready to sleep.

My tree isn’t up yet. This weekend. Definitely this weekend. I’ll do it.

I called Aprille and scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. There’s something not right with it. It’s too long or not enough layers or the ends are split. Hopefully she can make it look good again.

Gotta go to bed.

I am tired. I’ve been sitting here since 7AM and I am still here at 9PM. Did I accomplish the things I had set for myself? Some of ’em. Not all. Dang it. Hey, did I say I was tired? Yeah. How is it when I microwave my heat pad, those two minutes take forever, yet as soon as I sit in front of the computer, hours pass by like seconds?

Do you think I could survive by raising Alpacas and having a Japanese Chin Rescue? I think I could be very happy being the mommy to a herd of alpacas and a pack of one-eyed Japanese Chin sugar pups. Or is that just the Three Buck Chuck talking? Belize is another idea.

Did I mention that I feel really drowsy? I finished all the Thanksgiving Turkey… which turned out to be just chicken. My mom told me she didn’t give me any turkey, just chicken. I had no idea. Next thing I’ll find out is the Sweet Potato Casserole was really Mashed Potatoes.

Leslie Nielson is dead. He looked pretty hardy the last time I saw him… but that might just have been because the last time I saw him was in a viewing of Forbidden Planet. Shirley, he will be missed.

Yeah.

I am working at simplifying. I am cleaning out the garbage that is bogging me down. Maybe you remember that entry I posted a few weeks ago about not noticing how messy my desk had gotten… well, it dawned on me that I had not realized how much crap I had accumulated. And so I am getting rid of the stuff I don’t need anymore. The last two weekends I’ve taken trunk loads to the Salvation Army and today I posted two curb alerts on Craigslist. It’s coming along, slowly. That’s about all I can handle.

Speaking of simplifying– Pookie and I made some changes to my bathroom. Check it out:

I wish I could take credit for it but it was mainly Pookie’s doing. He’s the one that pressed me to rip down the wallpaper and tidy things up. If it was up to me, that dang wallpaper would still be up, or at least still falling down.

Hoo boy, do I need a haircut. And I just got one a month or so ago. Problem was that Aprille didn’t cut enough layers into it and so it quickly became drab. Gotta go back and fork over 75 bucks or thereabout.

This morning I woke up around 7 and threw on a pair of jeans that I rarely wear to go and clean out the garage. The very same jeans I wore when I visited the Ruegen Island in the Baltic Sea oh so many years ago.

So how do I clear out that garbage?

And in case you are wondering… I did accomplish quite a bit but I still haven’t approached the items I was procrastinating over the other day. What the heck is wrong with me??????

I am in the midst of some major procrastination. WHY CAN’T I FINISH TASKS?!? I have a ton of things to do and I can’t get them done. How many times have I blogged about this? The tasks are not painful. Once completed, I feel an incredible amount of joy. And yet I can’t even get started. Could I be insane?

I need a cheerleader. I need someone sitting beside me, urging me on. Even if it’s just to distract me AS I DO THE CHORES. When did I become so high maintenance?

Weird thing happened to me this morning. I poured myself a cup of coffee in my tall, rainbow-striped coffee mug. I drank it while working on my computer and about an hour went by and I decided I wanted a refill. Downstairs to the kitchen I went, filled up the tall, rainbow-striped coffee mug and placed it into the microwave for 30 seconds. 30 seconds went by, I opened up the microwave door and pulled out my light blue Elvis Mug, full of piping hot coffee. I stared at the mug and tried to figure out what happened.

Could my microwave suddenly be imbued with transmogrifying abilities? Could the rainbow-striped mug be the caterpillar and the Elvis Mug the butterfly?

I stuck my head in the microwave for closer inspection and found the rainbow striped mug in the back of the microwave. Apparently I had decided on a refill a day or two ago, got distracted and left the mug in the microwave.

Life is so boring.

Had a very nice Thanksgiving. My mom cooked her butt off. It was truly a feast. And there were no emergencies. Everyone was well behaved. Sorta. There were a couple moments where I thought, “Dear God!” But I figure, by now, it’s all out there. Nothing should be a surprise.

I have a couple things I need to do for clients today. I just want to get them done and out and then I can get back to doing nothing. Procrastination is quickly turning into a specialty of mine.

Snow fell for about an hour or two yesterday morning. It was lovely. In the evening, we watched the news and then Extra came on. I sat there watching some expose on Kim Kardashian and I was surprised that Pookie didn’t change the channel. Finally I looked over to him and I saw that he was sound asleep. Tryptophan!

Today is Black Friday and I keep thinking I should probably buy something since the deals are supposedly amazing. I feel like I need to purge rather than stock up. The only thing I would love is an iPad or a PC equivalent. But that’s me just being geeky. I am happy with my current setup.

Check out this picture I found!

Elvis with a BEARD!!! I am going to guess this was taken right around the time he acted in the film Charro!… which is the only time he ever sported a beard… at least as far as I know.

The guy with him? Wayne Cochran. And that was his look. A big, greasy, white pompadour. He’s responsible for the song Last Kiss. It went like this, Where oh where can my Baby be? The Lord took her away from me! She’s gone to heaven so I got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

Pearl Jam covered it. And J. Frank Wilson actually had the hit with it after Wayne Cochran. It’s said that Last Kiss was the culmination of the death rock songs of the 50’s. It started in 1958 with Jody Reynolds’ “Endless Sleep.” My favorite of the genre is “Tell Laura I Love Her.”

Here’s a video of Wayne doing his THANG!

How did I find the picture? You know how some guys search for boobies? I search for pompadour.

Here’s another clip:

A man showed up to my weekly networking group with the most god-awful facial hair I have ever seen. And I love facial hair! This particular strain looked like something an Amish man might do after dropping acid. Imagine C. Everett Koop’s beard, bleached blond and moussed. It was horrendous. When I saw him I swear my jaw dropped open and I blushed. I avoided him because I knew I would spend the entire time counting the curlycues and wondering of his sanity.

Does this man go to sleep at night wondering why people avoid him? Why no one makes eye contact? Why it seems people talk behind his back? Why no one takes him seriously? Why he can’t find a woman who loves him?

During a conversation a few weeks ago, someone I know to be an intelligent person said, “Because I couldn’t get into the school I wanted, I wasn’t able to get a good job.” I remember blinking my eyes a couple times and wondering if my hearing suddenly went bad. I wanted to say, “Do you really believe that? Do you really think I believe that?”

Another conversation had me looking at a totally different person in disbelief because the situation she described was so beyond what human nature dictates that she had to be lying. No normal person would react in that type of manner. EVER. And I wondered how she believed it and why she thought I would believe it.

The other night, Pookie Bear came to visit me and he remarked at the state of filthiness my desk was in. I knew my desk was messy but I didn’t realize how bad it had become. I cleared it off and started putting stuff away. Once the desktop was visible, I suddenly became aware of how bad it had been. Why I didn’t notice it before Pookie said anything amazes me.

And now I keep thinking of this personal blindness. Things that are obvious to others… and yet are oblivious to ourselves. What else in my life am I totally missing? What is apparent to most everyone but not to me? I am trying very hard to be as self-aware and socially-aware as possible. I do not want to be that person who corners someone at a business card exchange and talks and talks and talks and doesn’t recognize the frustration in the other person’s eyes. Or the guy with the huge booger on his nostril that vibrates with every exhale.

I keep coming back to self-preservation. Perhaps it really is a blessing that we are so blind. Being so painfully aware might be cause for insanity.

You are chatting with an unidentified user. Be careful what you discuss.

Guest has joined.

me: Hello!

Guest: Hello. This is Peter Tork. I hear you’ve been calling me a Dork.

me: YOU ARE A DORK!!!!!!
Your mother was a hamster!
And your Father smelled of Elderberries!
Go away or I will taunt you a second time!

Guest: okay. you’ve hurt my feelings. i’m going.

me: DORK!
Sent at 10:14 PM on Tuesday