Death brings with it so much more than just loss. It brings an uncomfortable truth. Death has a way of shining a light on relationships and allows you to see what is authentic and what is lacking. Over the last two months, certain relationships that I thought were strong and special have crumbled while other relationships that I thought were nothing turned out to be stronger than I ever imagined. Friends drove over 6 hours to be at my father’s memorial service while family members couldn’t be bothered with a 2 hour drive… much less picking up the phone.
I am trying to give some of them the benefit of the doubt… they are unsophisticated and just don’t know how to act or they are bothered and pained by death and are held back by their own fears or they’ve never experienced such a close, sudden loss that they don’t get it.
Of course, my mother says, “Say what you will, the truth is they simply don’t care enough.”
It’s a shame, really. But then again, it’s best to know where you stand with people.
And now comes the decision, what to do with this new found truth? Do you continue to be generous? Do you pretend not to care? Or do you drop out?
I don’t know.