Woke up this morning, made myself a cup of coffee, sat down at my vintage 50’s kitchen table, took a nice sip of my hot, French pressed coffee in my favorite Elvis coffee mug and swatted an ant off my arm. I refused to get upset and I convinced myself it was just an errant ant that had caught a ride in from outside on the hem of my sun dress some time yesterday. I looked down at the kitchen floor and I gasped. This was no errant ant! This was one of hundreds. I started sweeping as many up and depositing them outside… and then I grabbed a paper towel and started smushing them. Something snapped inside of me and I discarded the paper towel and started using my bare hands to smash them. After I killed as many as I could, I cleaned out my pantry cabinet… AGAIN. Now the food it double zip-locked and in a totally different cabinet where I am hoping the ants can’t invade as easily.

I called the exterminator and left a message, “Hey, Happy 4th! It’s Donna…. again! And I really am embarrassed here… I hate to call, I really do… but the ants are back! Can you call me? Thanks!”

Last year I suffered my first ant invasion of the kitchen. Pookie went to Home Depot and bought a green can of ant spray. He got back to my place and showed no mercy on the ants. And that was it. The ants disappeared for that summer, fall and winter. Spring brought the ants back. I figured I’d call an exterminator to make it a permanent disappearance this time… but they’ve had no luck at all. They are using insane, industrial grade chemicals that are somehow no match for these ants. What the heck was in that green can that Pookie bought at Home Depot? Or are these super ants that ingested the green can contents and have become stronger and immune to all poison?

I can’t take it. I want these ants gone! And do you think my exterminator is just ineffectual or are these ants omnipotent?