I feel almost shell-shocked. I am having a hard time letting go. I don’t feel any pain or hurt but I do feel an emptiness. Everything that was so important to me is gone. My clients, my opportunities… GONE! It’s just so strange. I suspect it will take a couple days for my mind to work its way through it.

Today I must file for unemployment and submit my last expense report. I need to call HR and make sure I am getting all the money owed to me. Please please please let them be fair.

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

File for unemployment
Investigate Online Businesses/Internet Marketing
Investigate self-employment options
Update Resume
Update CareerBuilder/Monster/LinkedIn
Search for Jobs
Email Recruiters

Learn to crochet
Clean out closets
Clean out bookcases
Simplify life
Cook and bake
Take walks
Go places

Celebrate Christmas
Lunch and Dinner with friends
Time with Family
Relax
Explore options

FIND A WAY TO MAKE MONEY THAT WILL ALSO MAKE ME HAPPY

Talk about crazy coincidence! You know how I was just complaining about how I don’t have enough time to read all the blogs I subscribe to and I am worried that I will miss another Christmas season because I will be totally obsessed by work? Well, as luck would have it I was laid off yesterday! Suddenly I have more time than I know what to do with!

Yes, it’s true. Monday at 9am I was at a meeting where I closed a small 50K deal. At 11am I was packing my brush, lint roller and extra sweater and walking to my car. It was very surreal.

When I got back to the office after my meeting, my old manager was there, crying. CRYING. I knew immediately what it was about. What really surprised me was how calm, cool and collected I stayed. I think in my heart of hearts I was glad. My intention was to give this job 3 years anyway and I am just a couple months shy of that goal. Besides, business hasn’t been good. I couldn’t see past January. I sold so many three year contracts that this next year would have been like starting totally fresh. This was something I was not looking forward to doing.

“Why? What happened?” I asked. He said the company is hemorrhaging and I was just 1 of 15 people being let go.

I am so happy that I didn’t cry. I smiled and took the news in total stride. My old manager wiped his alligator tears away and we gabbed for about an hour. He was relieved, I am sure.

It’s odd but I really felt protected. I thought they would have gotten rid of anyone else but me! Turns out I wasn’t nearly as popular as I thought. You never really know how you are being perceived. You think you are putting out a specific vibe but people filter it differently through their own personal lens of experience and insecurity.

Wanna hear something crazy? The night before I had a dream that my manager called me to tell me I was being let go. That morning as I was getting ready for work, I felt change in the air. So when I saw my old manager in my office, I was prepared and ready.

What to do now? I gotta do some contemplation. I gotta figure out what I want to do with my life. I am tired of working ungodly hours and living a life in which I am either at the office or waiting to go to the office. Leaving in darkness and arriving home in darkness. Getting home and wanting to fall asleep. Not knowing what to do when I am not working – and being unable to stop thinking about work at all times.

I would love to have an Internet business– something that would allow me to work for myself. A business or blog that could almost run itself and that I can easily manage without getting totally lost inside of it. These are just my initial thoughts. Who knows what I will ultimately decide is realistic and doable. Right now I want to investigate these ideas as well as see what else is out there. I know the economy is in shambles but I honestly feel that somewhere out there people are still conducting business and making money. Whether I figure out a way to work for myself or I decide to work for someone else, I know there is something out there for me. Something that I will love doing and something that I will enjoy.

I truly believe this is the right thing to happen to me. I am excited.

I assembled my fake Christmas tree and I decorated it with red and gold balls and 5 Elvis ornaments. Pookie directed me from the couch. “No, lower, to the right, in further, there, no! Up further, yes, good!” I am very happy with how it turned out. It’s a pretty Christmas tree. I think I’ve decided I want to have a little mini-Christmas party. I think it may help keep me focused on the spirit of the holidays. The last few years it seemed like Christmas just got away from me. It went from December 1st to January 1st in a blink of an eye and I ended up feeling so sad because I missed my favorite holiday. I am really trying this year to get into the spirit. And I think a little get together may help. We shall see.

And with that said, I have evening events 4 out of the 5 nights this week. One User Group Meeting and 3 Business Holiday Parties (which really aren’t fun Holiday Parties with friends and eggnog but rather regular business networking events but with a Christmas tree and a Menorah in the corner). I hate when business usurps my life and my personal priorities. When will I have time to sit on the couch and stare at the television set watching episodes of The Family Guy which I have already seem numerous times? Or will I even have time to heat up Tyson chicken wings and eat them over the sink while slurping up Yuengling? How about the time I devote each evening to shaping my eyebrows! I will have to deal with this intrusion… I will be okay.

I recently started using Google Reader to manage the blogs I follow. When I started, I was only reading a couple of blogs but it was so easy to add feeds that before I knew it, my list grew totally out of control. I can’t keep up with it! Why do people insist upon updating EVERY DAY? There are some bloggers who even update a couple times a day! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLOW DOWN! Realize that your readers subscribe to more than just your feed! Give us time to catch up! Push away from the computer! Go outside and take a walk. Have some fun! We’ll be here when you get back, I promise!

One of my new daily reads is “I Will Teach You to be Rich.” Basically this kid just outlines ways to be cheap. I think the reason I like it is that I already do these things! Mostly. The one item that I am really guilty of is excessive subscriptions. I am subscribed to Netflix AND Rhapsody AND XM Radio. This does seem like too much but I enjoy it and it’s not like I can’t afford it. I am honestly considering dropping Netflix just because I am ashamed I’ve been so unrestrained. Of course I also had Little Miss Sunshine sitting on my coffee table since October 1st and only yesterday I tossed it back into my mailbox unwatched. I wish they had a pay to play plan for their on demand movies.

I’ve been tuning in to XM Radio’s Christmas channels, Holly and Holiday Traditional. I love almost all Christmas Carols– however the longer I listen, the more I realize there’s really only about 10 Christmas songs that just keep cycling over and over and over again. I don’t mind the constant repetition although there is one Christmas song that I HATE and I will change the station so fast that I will willingly listen to Gangsta rap than listen to… “So This is Christmas, and what have you done?” I swear, I get enough pressure and guilt trips in my life that I don’t need John Lennon or Sarah McLaughlin or whoever else sings a version of this song laying into me.

Speaking of pressure, I recently finished the latest edition of Vogue, the one with Jennifer Aniston on the cover saying what Angelina did was so very “uncool.” Oddly enough, there’s some stuff in the interview that absolutely resonated with me:

“…this idea that I’m so unlucky in love? I actually feel I’ve been unbelievably lucky in love. Just because at this stage my life doesn’t have the traditional framework to it—the husband and the two kids and the house in Connecticut—it’s mine. It’s my experience. And if you don’t like the way it looks, then stop looking at it! Because I feel good. I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I’m not. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

What an awesome thing to say! Go Rachel!

I have two favorite flavors of ice cream: coconut and peppermint stick. Fortunately these are rather hard to find flavors thus ensuring my girlish figure. There’s an ice cream parlor down the shore called Hoffman’s and they serve the most delicious coconut ice cream ever! LOVE IT! Sadly I can’t seem to find peppermint stick ice cream anywhere. The first and last place I had it was in Florida at probably one of the last Howard Johnson’s that still had an ice cream parlor. Today at Acme I found Peppermint Ice Cream by Edy’s. It’s not peppermint stick but rather just peppermint but that’s okay. I immediately snatched up a carton and I could barely wait until I got home to eat it. It’s good but it’s not as good as Ho-Jo’s. I’ve been seeing ads for Chick-Fil-A’s Peppermint Chocolate Chip Hand Spun Milkshake. I’m gonna have to try that soon. In fact I better hurry because according to their Web site, the shake is only available for 44 more days. Edy’s Peppermint Ice Cream is also limited time only. I guess it’s a holiday-thang.

I’ve decided to keep my thermostat at a lower temp than usual. Last winter it was set to a nice and warm 72 degrees. What I’ve been doing so far this colder season is dropping it down to 60 when I am at work and when I get home, I raise it to about 65 degrees. It feels cold in the house, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep it at this temperature.

What temperature do you keep your place in the fall/winter?

This Web site is recommending 68 degrees when you are home and 55 degrees when you are sleeping. That 55 degrees seems really cold to me.

Check out who’s #1 for the Google Search:
I get drunk most every night!!!!

My mom’s proud of that one!