I had a bunch of hits yesterday from people searching for Peter Tork (is a Dork). My immediate thought was, “Oh Peter, you dork! Have you joined Michael Jackson in Rock and Roll heaven?” I immediately checked Google News but found no obituary. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Is anybody ready for a world with less than 4 Monkees? I’m not. And so the dork survives. Thank goodness. Searching Google I found out he recently announced he has a mild case of Asperger Syndrome. That might explain his dorkitude but it doesn’t excuse it.

I am sorry, this never gets old to me.

I spent July 4th with the 2004 Libertarian Presidential Candidate, Michael Badnarik.

Yeah, I had an awesome time!

And then Billy Mays. Then Mollie Sugden and now Karl Malden!

What’s going on?!?!

I am sitting here quietly finding that the huge list I have in front of me is boiling down to a big fat 0 in terms of prospects… and I am daydreaming that Richard Gere, in a white officer’s uniform, rushes into my office, scoops me up, and carries me away from my self-imposed, sweat shop life.

Oh guys, I got it tough right now. Things aren’t quite going as planned. I seem to spend my days ramming my head against a concrete wall while people say things like, “You’re not running into the wall enough times” or “You’re not hitting with enough force” or “Even blind squirrels will splinter concrete at least once in awhile, why not you?” Regardless, I have a plan and I am working it. Whether it bears fruit or not is another story. However if I have to do another “critical self-analysis” I think I may puke. The one thing that’s been keeping me going is my Latin Impact dance class every Tuesday and Thursday night. It’s the one thing I can look forward to and I can lose myself in the crazy dance steps. I am also proud to report the instructor told me I am looking mucho better. Apparently I have lost some of the spastic-ness in my moves. Yes, some.

As I struggle, my little sister is kicking ass! She got a much coveted position that she’s been fighting for for years. I want to have a party for her to celebrate. A huge party! I want to rent a Moonbounce. She deserves it.

I am so happy Friday is a day off. I need it.

This year sucks. Do you hear me? YOU SUCK, 2009! I am sick and tired of it and I won’t take another minute of it. I want you to start turning around right NOW! I am working my ass off and I am trying to make things happen but I can’t do it alone! Now stop pouting and do something! Get better!

Don’t make me open up a can of whoop-ass on you.

Recently I made the decision to start replacing and upgrading items in my house that are showing signs of age. Normally I am all about denying myself but I’ve started to realize that attitude isn’t helping me. I hold off on purchases thinking I am saving money and then everything starts failing at once and I am looking at a huge bill just to get myself back. So I bought a TV and new bedsheets. I am also getting two windows replaced and my shower refurbished. The last thing on my list is a new computer. My laptop SUCKS! I hate it. It’s slow to start, slow to run, and slow to shut down. Multi-tasking is practically impossible. So I want a new computer but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. I found a nice looking computer at B.J.’s but the specs aren’t terribly impressive and the reviews are less than glowing. I looked at Best Buy and they have the same desktop computer but nothing much else. You see, I think I want to get a desktop computer since I have had very little luck with laptops. They last 2 years and then they poop out on me. Besides, if I get a desktop it could be my anchor PC. And when I want to surf in bed or in the kitchen, I can always use my shitty laptop since it’s still running (however badly.) The thing is, I don’t want to spend much more than 500 for the tower. And I want a small tower. And 4 gigs of RAM. I have no clue where to even look other than NewEgg or TigerDirect. Should I try to buy a bundle or just get the individual parts and build it myself? I don’t know. At one time I knew quite a bit about hardware– something happened and I have no clue the differences between AMD and Celeron or ACER and HP. I found a cheap computer at Tiger Direct that I am drawn to but I am not sure if I am asking for trouble buying refurbished. All I know is that I know nothing.

1. Ed McMahon
2. Farrah Fawcett
3. Michael Jackson

I never thought Michael Jackson would round out the trio.  In a way, it feels like Michael Jackson died a long time ago.  I remember thinking he was pretty nifty around 1982 but it was soon after getting burned during that Pepsi commercial that he just got weird and I lost total interest.  It seemed like the majority of people lost interest.  And yet people would turn out for his concerts. Who were these people? I’ve never met anyone who admitted to liking Michael Jackson after the 80’s ended. Watching the news coverage yesterday I said to Lisa, “Gosh that’s not a big crowd at all gathering outside the hospital.”
“Yeah, that’s because the planes from Japan haven’t landed yet.” she replied.

Growing up, I had not one but TWO Farrah Fawcett dolls. The first one was her as Jill from Charlie’s Angels, the other one was her as herself– FARRAH! I preferred the Farrah doll to the Jill doll because Farrah was taller and the same size as my Cher doll and Bionic Woman doll. This allowed them to play well against each other. Let me just tell you those three got into tons of wild trouble! Cher and Farrah would operate on Jaime and then they’d hit each other over the head with Jaime’s appendages. They weren’t as bad as my Marie Osmond doll though. Marie ignored those girls. All Marie wanted to do was make out with her brother Donny and hand out purple butt-print autographs to her fans. Getting back to Farrah, I liked her in Logan’s Run and Myra Breckinridge. Loved her in Myra Breckinridge. Guys, you may want to rent that movie if you want to experience Raquel Welch seducing Farrah Fawcett. It’s priceless. The whole movie is priceless but what can I say, I just love awful movies. The one thing that puzzled me about Farrah is she so desperately wanted to be taken seriously so she started making all those somber Made for TV movies about murdering her abusive husband and torturing the man who raped her YET… she still opted to make a pay per view show where she painted canvasses with her naked body. That just seems counter intuitive. But maybe it’s just me?

I got nothing on Ed McMahon. My only real memory of him is as Dave Clark’s partner on Bloopers and Bleeps and Practical Jokes. He seemed jovial enough except he didn’t leave much of an impression. Is it that obvious that I have always gone to bed early?

I am ready to take on the day.  I am ready for whatever is thrown at me.  All things pass.  Everything works out in the end.  Charles Bronson and ice cream.

I also saw Madea Goes to Jail.  Actually I saw approximately 1/3 of it because it was so terribly stupid I had to turn it off and reclaim my life.  The movie is NOT about Madea going to jail as the movie trailers and posters suggested.  It’s actually about a DA who is engaged to be married but the relationship hits a snag when he bumps into an old friend who is now a crack whore.  His fiance, incredibly, does not support his choice to try to help his old friend but rather opts to acts like some weird 1950’s bigot.  The only reason I watched it as long as I did is that Tootie Huxtable from the Cosby show played the crack whore and I was fascinated seeing her all grown up and out of those dang rollerskates.

I don’t feel like I missed anything because I am pretty sure the DA broke up with his bitchy fiance right after he helped the crack whore clean herself up, with  just enough time left in the movie to fall in love with her.  And how the whole Madea going to jail fit into it, I have no clue.