I had a dream that I came home to find my carpets ripped out and tons of ikea flooring squares hastily placed down. My cousin Johnny appeared and told me that Ikea was having this huge sale and so he bought three different types of flooring for 135.00 and he was laying it down for me. I had my choice between a very pale, almost grayish wood, an orange tile and a very dark brown, almost black tile. Looking at the different floorings, I was a little disappointed that instead of having the nice hardwood floor I wanted, I would have to accept crappy Ikea laminate flooring. Yet, I was so happy to be rid of the carpet and even the laminate flooring looked better. That’s it. That was my dream. I think if it wasn’t official before, I am definitely a homeowner now- dreaming of pergo.

Have I gushed about the love I have for my bamboo steamer? How did I live for so long without one? One weekend, out of nowhere, Rob wanted to go to the mall and buy a bamboo steamer. I had seen bamboo steamers around but I couldn’t even imagine how to use one. Plus, how do you clean them? It seemed like too much trouble. At any rate, Rob wanted one so we bought one. That evening I had to figure out how to use it. Turns out, you don’t have to place the food right on the bamboo trays, you can use a plate in the bottom of the tray. So the first thing we made was tilapia and asparagus. And guess what? It was easy and delicious! This evening, I got home and steamed dumplings and edamame– easy and fast and yummy!

So here is the secret:

FISH & VEGGIES
Place the fish in the lower tray on a plate. Squeeze some lemon or lime juice on it and a shake of Old Bay Seasoning.
On the top tray, place the vegetables on a plate– I like Asparagus best.
Boil water in a wok or frying pan and place the steamer into the pot. Let it steam for about 7 minutes. Remove the veggies first since they cook faster (That’s why we put them in the top tray).
Serve with rice.

DUMPLINGS & EDAMAME
I only use one tray for this one. On the bottom of the tray place a paper towel. On the paper towel place the frozen dumplings (these can be bought at any asian grocery). Next to the dumplings, throw a handful of frozen edamame. Steam for about 5 – 7 minutes. Serve the dumplings with soy or dumpling sauce.

Now that you’ve eaten, all you have to do is rinse the bamboo steamer, wipe it with a soapy sponge, rinse and dry.

the wedding scene from Little Murders

The bread wasn’t done so I had to put it back in for another 10 minutes. As I was waiting, I thought it would be funny to find a picture of Richard Grant with the boil on his shoulder to post below the last entry. As I was searching, I somehow found this web site, Hot Chicks with Douchebags. Now, don’t grimace! It’s not meant literally! It’s pictures of hot girls with jerky guys– the ones with gelled hair and smug looks on their faces. I think this site is sort of the guy equivalent to Go Fug Yourself. I expected to find a picture of Andrew Speaker on the page. His picture hasn’t been submitted yet.

This morning I awoke, wandered into the kitchen, switched on Elvis and Friends with Rockin’ Ron Cade and started to make Funny Fruit Bread. I hope it comes out okay. If it does, I’ll make it for Walt and Joe and little loas for Mrs Green, Violet and Trey and Adele. We shall see. It’s in the oven right now.

Last night Rob decided he wanted to see the Magic Christian. A few weeks ago, I showed him a couple parts of that movie, mainly to prove I had even weirder movies in my collection than just Zardoz. I have a feeling he wanted to see all of the Magic Christian because he was hoping Raquel Welch had a bigger role as the whip wielding dominatrix at the helm of the engine room. Sadly, that was her only scene. We watched the entire movie. Rob stuck with it. I was pretty sure he was going to ask me to turn it off– after Laurence Harvey stripped as Hamlet, Yul Brynner, in drag, hit on Roman Polansky, the Boxers who stopped fighting and made love, or when the vat of blood, shit and urine became a swimming pool. What is the next movie I will show Rob? I’m thinking How to Get Ahead in Advertising. That’s the one where an ad man develops a large stress-related boil on his shoulder that then sprouts eyes, a mouth and starts talking.

Yesterday evening, Rob and I went to World Cafe Live and saw The Iguanas and Los Straitjackets with Big Sandy! It was a great concert. I think I prefer when the Straitjackets have someone singing along. The first song they performed with Big Sandy was one of my favorites, Chica Alborotada- or as I pronounce it, Chico Alba Blah Blah. They also played Hang on Lupe, yes, I know it’s Hang on Sloopy, tell that to Big Sandy. I missed not seeing the World Famous Pontani Sisters dancing there on stage but The Iguanas made up for it.

I’m watching tv– Larry King Live. He has three women on who are celebrity “exes” and they are starring on a television show in which they help Regular Joes get over their breakups. The women are Shar Jones, Angie Everhart and Marla Maples. MARLA MAPLES? Huh? I remember back when she was the other woman. Maybe she hopes everyone has forgotten? I think she was miscast.

She just said, “What we do is help people dream again!”

They should have cast Ivana.

I am so ticked off at myself! I stayed late at work to get a couple proposals finished (I still have a ton more to go) with the intention of wrapping up at 6:20 to catch the 6:28 train. I glanced at the clock and it read 6:20– I hurriedly added the finishing touches to the email I was working on and clicked send. I then started to exit the programs that were open and finally I turned off the computer. The clock now read 6:27. UGH! NOoooooo! How did that happen? The next train isn’t until 7:17! That means I won’t get home until 8:30! And tomorrow I have to go to Manhattan which entails waking up at 5 and not getting home until 7. How did I get here? Why am I not married with children and a nice house with a white picket fence, wearing a cute little shirtwaist dress as I watch the children play in the backyard through the kitchen window where I am preparing a home-cooked meal for my handsome husband, Dr. Alex Stone? Instead I sit here in this sterile skyscraper, staring at a computer screen worrying I have infected my eyes with Acanthamoeba keratitis via my not so sterile eye solution. I tell you, the Barbie I played with NEVER made cold calls or wrote proposals. She never went on business meetings or wore contact lenses. On the other hand, she would bend her legs up to her ears, stick her butt on an ink pad and give butt prints to her fans… Star Wars action figures. It’s a good thing I am not like my old Barbie doll. I don’t know where I would find a piece of paper big enough.

Lisa said to me this morning, “I only have 9 more days of school left!”
I replied, “I only have 34 years left until I retire!”

This week is going fast thanks to the long weekend. It feels like Tuesday but it’s really Wednesday. That’s so much better than vice versa. I can’t remember the last time I took a vacation. Was it the time Lisa and I rented a convertible in Florida and drove to the Keys? Was it the three days I spent in Cape May? Can three days even count for vacation? Of course I was off for a couple months early last year but that wasn’t vacation as much as unemployment. Maybe it’s time for me to start planning something. I feel like I need some time off. Time away.

What was I thinking? The other day I read this blog post and it got me absolutely ferociously hungry for Indian food. I mentioned it to Rob one evening, “We could order Indian…” Rob’s reply was, “If I ate Indian food, I’d never stop going to the bathroom.” I dropped the subject. Driving back from work today, I decided to go to the local Indian restaurant and order take out for myself. The problem is that it was already late and I was hungry in and of itself. The Indian place took it’s sweet time preparing my Chicken Tika Masala. Finally they handed me the bag and I rushed home. Before I knew what was happening, I tore into the bag like a crazy woman. I gobbled everything in sight faster than Superman could leap over a building. Now my stomach hurts. And I didn’t savor a single morsel and I am having a hard time remembering how it tasted. Worst of all, the food didn’t even look as nice as the photo in that blog post.