Yesterday evening I found myself closer to Market East than my usual train station. I checked the train schedules and saw I had a good half hour to kill so I decided to walk around the attached mall and maybe get something to eat at the food court. As I was entering the mall area, there was a table set up with a sign: FREE STRESS TESTS! Yep, Scientologists. I could tell from all the L. Ron Hubbard books. Two Scientologists came right up to me and implored, “Please come and take a FREE stress test!
“No thank you.”
They ignored me, grabbed me by either arm and tried to forcibly lead me to their E meter!
“No, I do NOT want a stress test” I shook myself free and walked away… QUICKLY! Please Tom Cruise, make a new movie quick! Your church needs you! And your bank account.
I went to the food court and ordered a sandwich and a diet lemonade. The woman serving me went over to a small white plastic Sterilite drawer set– the kind that is sold at Target or Walmart for organizing— she pulled open the drawer and with a ladle — STARTED SCOOPING OUT THE LEMONADE!!! I cannot figure why they kept their lemonade in a drawer. Insane.
I sat down at a booth to eat my dinner. Looking out over the nearly empty room filled with dirty tables, I noticed a public health service poster: PAP SMEAR: Once a Year Over 21! Who’s bright idea was it to put gynecological posters in the food court? I was scared to look around for fear that I might find a poster for Prostate Self-exams: >>insert dirty punchline<<. Enough about yesterday! I spent the evening on a battleship! It's true. I toured a battleship and had to walk up and down steep stairs that honestly looked more like ladders, in high heels and a wrap dress. Had I known I would find myself on an obstacle course, I would NOT have opted for my Wonder Woman printed underwear. No, I didn't just decide to tour a battleship after work. It was an event I figured would be good for networking purposes and it happened to be held on this ship. It was fun. I enjoyed myself. Right now all I want to do is sleep. And think about food. That's what happens when all you eat for dinner is a Lean Pocket. My cabinets are empty. I gotta go to the grocery store tomorrow.
I have been told if you tell a Scientologist that you’re an Objectivistm, they’ll leave you alone.
I was in Kah-Lee-For-Nee-Ya
two years ago for a job interview, and I found myself
in front of the Kodak Theater
in Hollywood. On Hollywood Blvd, just a stone’s throw from the theater was the local chapter of Scientology.
And OF COURSE there were mind-numbed minions everywhere distributing their fabulous
and enlightening “literature”.
I couldn’t wait to get out of Cali and back to Planet Earth.
Well I am so it wouldn’t be a lie. I will keep that in my back pocket and use it if I am once again cornered by Scientologists. I will report back on my findings!