The laptop is now sitting in a FedEx truck, waiting to be whisked away to Chicago. I didn’t wipe it clean or infect it with any viruses. My feeling is, I want to act professional, unaffected, and detached. There is nothing bad anyone can say about me or how I behaved.

Everyone knows that Emma would kick someone’s ass. That’s why she is a fictitious character, and you are real.
If I were you, I’d seek the advice of an attorney. It couldn’t hurt. Were you let go for
less than honorable reasons. Inquiring minds want to know.
Plus, I just love seeing the underdog kick the big dog’s arse. Maybe you ARE Emma Peel after all.
You should have dropped the laptop a couple of times before sending it back. When I was in a similar situation I crazy glued all the door locks to the building, not right away but after a couple of months, made sure it was in the winter so the partners would be standing out in the cold waiting for the locksmith to come. Revenge is tasty!!!
Back in the late 90s I worked with an energetic young man who worked out his workplace aggression
in unacceptable ways…mainly destroying property. He left a trail a debris over several
workplaces.
NOT THAT YOU SHOULD DO THIS.