1. Last night at a bar, I met a lovely man. He approached me rather sheepishly and said: “Last night I was doing this chick and the door to my bedroom was open. Well, my cat came from behind me and the next thing I know, I feel my cat’s teeth sink into my b*lls! I guess he thought they were mice. Uhhhh, so you wanna go out? I’ll take you to the Punk Rock Prom.”

2. I had a dream that I was in my kitchen and meatballs kept magically appearing on the floor. I would bend down and pick up a handful and deposit them in the sink only to find more meatballs on the floor. It was very frustrating.

3. Cocoa was behaving so strangely this afternoon. It was almost as if he were drunk. He was staggering, tripping, and walking in circles. The Vet had warned me that something like this might happen if his blood sugar dropped. Luckily I had a bottle of Caro syrup and so I poured about a capful down his throat. Right after, he sobered.

I thanked Mr. Cat Bite but told him I wasn’t interested. He seemed incredulous that I would reject him and he asked me why I didn’t want to go out with him. “I might have gone, but the Cat story repulsed me, I’m sorry.”