To all the Byzantine Catholics on the old calendar out there:
Merry Hunky*Christmas!!!!

Welcome to Slim Goodbody! I remember Slim Goodbody! I saw him live in Trenton years and years ago. Of course, back then, Slim had a huge brown afro. He looked a lot like Richard Simmons, I remember. Slim is the reason why I eat healthy and never, ever overindulge in sweets.

No, I don’t think I am going to watch Joe Millionaire tonight. There is something rotten about it. Each time I see the preview, I find myself distressed. That is even more distressed than I was after watching an episode of the Bachelor. (I remember screaming at the TV, “I accept your rose…as long as I can shove it up your a**!!!!!”) I admit yesterday I watched the High School Reunion Reality Show. It came on right after Charmed and I was too lazy to turn the channel. Besides, I thought I might relate…. same year, same age. I didn’t. I ended up just wanting to slap all of them. At any rate, Joe Millionaire disturbs me. The women are depicted as vain, money-grubbing, bitches. But at least they are honest in what they want. Old Joe Millionaire isn’t being honest at all. It is cruel to purposely mislead people and then broadcast it for all to see. I wonder if the producers unsuccessfully dated the women involved and this is their way of exacting revenge? What will FOX come up with next?

MonkeeMania 2002 Forum – micky and donna When did I marry Micky! My dream came true and I was completely unaware of it!

Lisa and I saw Two Weeks Notice this afternoon. 13.00 for matinee!! Ridiculous! At any rate, we try to see Romantic Comedies– it’s the cause I support. I walk the street with my placard reading: “MORE HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC FLUFF!” and “BRING BACK DORIS DAY AND ROCK HUDSON!” Two Weeks Notice was well meaning but it missed by a mile. This was the first time I could tell a character was cut from a movie. It was weird how Hansel, Sandy’s boyfriend, was talked about and alluded to but never shown. And I hate when silly fluffy movies get political. Just alienate half the audience… what a great idea! And as much as I enjoy the Hugh Grant persona, he just didn’t strike me as a good catch in this movie. He was wishy-washy, indecisive, lifeless, and slutty! Why Sandy would want him after she finds him playing strip poker with his new Chief Council is beyond me. At any rate, I gave it a 6 on imdb. It was entertaining enough- although certainly not worth the price of admission— but what is these days?
It is snowing here in Philadelphia (well, just north of). I am feeling better although my voice is getting worse. In the car going to the movie, I sang along to the radio. Burning Ring of Fire was playing and it was uncanny how much I sounded like Johnny Cash. Oh Gosh! I am coming across as so attractive… I have hairy legs and a voice like Bea Arthur/Johnny Cash! No wonder she can’t get a date! All the pieces just fit into place! 🙂

I went back into the donnaville archives and found my resolutions from last year. Let’s see how I did!
1. My first resolution for the New Year is to stay home next New Year’s Eve.
**BROKEN** I went out to a bar.
2. My second resolution is to stop obsessing over emails from Heiko (or rather the lack thereof).
I kept this resolution but mainly because Heiko dumped me.
3. The third resolution is to stop spending so much freaking money!
I guess I have kept this resolution because I don’t shop nearly as much.
4. Keep my room cleaned
**BROKEN** I am a slob
5. Try to get my life in order
Yeah, I am in a better place today than I was last year.
6. Find a man to marry
**BROKEN** I couldn’t even get a second date with any of the bastards I went out with but this resolution was mostly tongue in cheek.
7. Shave my legs on a more regular basis.
**BROKEN** My legs are hairier than Helena Bonham Carter’s in Planet of the Apes. 😉

Yesterday I succumbed to a cold…. or a flu. I can never tell the difference. My body was sore, my throat was scratchy and I felt lightheaded. My voice dropped an octave or two and I wish I could say that I sounded sexy like Lauren Bacall, but a proper comparison would be Bea Arthur. I am feeling better today but not 100%.
Yesterday I found out my favorite bar closed. I don’t really have a favorite bar but this one was so conveniently located at the mall. Lisa and I would go shopping and then hit the bar for a beer. Or we would go for dinner. We will miss you Kahunaville! And your strange Tiki decor! And 1.95 drafts and free Buffalo Wings on Fridays. Goodbye, forever!
Last night, as I languished in bed, I watched Mahogany! What a fabulous movie. I first saw it years ago when I was a teenager and the parts I loved then are the parts I still love today. For instance, when Diana drips hot wax all over her frighteningly skinny body as weird music plays and people cheer. I also loved the scene where Billy D Williams (Lando) and Tony Perkins wrestle with the gun. They slide all over the floor together and try to shove the gun into the other’s mouth. Even as a kid I knew there was more going on than met the eye. A neighbor of mine once told me that on a plane he was seated next to Tony Perkins and the entire trip, Tony talked to himself!?!?

I am drinking a cup of coffee and a few minutes ago I took 2 Ibuprofen. Soon, I should be feeling fine. What had seemed like a ruined evening actually turned out pretty good. Erin and her husband Pete, Diana and her husband Dennis, Kathy and her boyfriend, and Kristen and her boyfriend showed up at the Inn of the Hawk. They are nice people and it was great seeing them.

So I am thinking about the upcoming year and trying to realize some resolutions.
Donna’s 2003 Resolutions
1. Join LAFitness. Exercise, move and breath, meet people!
2. Keep room and office cleaned despite the fact there is no room for anything.
3. End the crazy cycle of Body Dismorphia.
4. When I catch a man looking at me in a bar or somewhere, I will hold his stare and smile. I will not look away quickly and wonder if there is a piece of food stuck to the corner of my mouth.
5. If the stocks I own recover, buy a townhouse and become even more unabhaengig.
6. Stop buying stupid things just because they are cheap. Realize that 50.00 is not too expensive for a pair of nice pants.
7. Stop watching so much TV, especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Get out more even if that means going out alone.
8. Sit up straight and don’t fold legs underneath or one on top of the other. Stop being a contortionist. I don’t want varicose veins.

New Year. Sat at a bar with an old Autstralian man who looked like Kris Kristopherson. He told me that the “system” is inherently evil and that is why he runs safaris in Africa. he (to hell with pucntuation, I can’t even feel my fingers) I lost my train of thought. How does this happen on 2 beers and a glass of champagne? Oh yeah, he reminded me of Alby Mangels, or spelled somewhat similar– he had a show on the travel channel. ANyway, saw Erin and her friends, people that I like but I have never made any effort to become better friends. Charlie wasn’t there which was a huge relief. I gotta sleep, no doubt this entry will disturb and embarrass me tomorrow. Why the heck am I at my computer and not in bed? Ugh. YEah. Happy New year.

Amish Donkey – Spank Da Monkey I spanked him at 315 miles per hour!!!!!