Last night, as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to take me, I thought of my expectations for a successful date. There are very few things a man has to do to make a date tolerable.
1. A nice man takes charge of the date or at least offers input as to what we can do together. If the man is truly incredible, he would figure out something I would like to do. Example: He knows I like anything from the 50’s and 60’s so maybe he would take me to a retro dance party or to a 50’s diner. This has yet to ever happen. I am always the person stuck making the plans.
2. A nice man arrives early at the designated meeting area. An incredible man will call, find out where I am parked and find me. You have no idea how many times I have been stuck waiting for men to arrive. Let me tell you, as a woman, waiting for your date on the corner while getting catcalled or stared at is just not a nice way to start a date.
3. A nice man will be dressed in clean, attractive, dressy clothes and he may even wear cologne. I am sorry but jeans and a polo shirt do not cut it. I do love it when a man wears some cologne. It makes me feel good that he cared enough about our date to make himself smell nice. Maybe that’s weird, I don’t know.
4. A nice man treats. An incredible man treats and doesn’t make me feel like I am indebted to him for doing so. I ALWAYS offer to pay. I have no problem paying. But if I have to pay, I know that this is not the man for me. The first three dates shouldn’t be dutch. After the first 3 dates, I think dutch is perfectly fine. When a man pays he is telling me he is financially secure and not cheap, he has a sense of traditional values, he is generous, he is already imagining us as a couple and not as two separate (checks) beings, he is interested in me and likes me and wants to impress me, etc… Alternately, a lady never suggests a very expensive restaurant, never orders the most expensive item on the menu, offers to pay her portion and after being treated she will thank the man for dinner and then suggest they go to a coffee house for coffee or dessert where she will treat.
5. This should be obvious but for some reason it isn’t. A nice man doesn’t talk about his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. He doesn’t complain about his married friends. He doesn’t talk ad nauseum about sports. He doesn’t curse. He doesn’t make sexual jokes. This goes for the girl too, of course.
6. A nice man walks me back to my car at the end of the night. And once at the car, he doesn’t attempt to kiss me or ask me back to his place. That should never occur on a first date. NEVER. Although I once had a man do a European kiss on the cheek that I actually found endearing. That was sweet and completely ok.
THAT IS IT! How simple is that? Too simple.
OH! And if the date went well, the man should call the girl and tell her he had a great time. He shouldn’t let 3 days go by without a call. If the guy is absolutely incredible, he will call on the car ride home and quickly say, “I had a great time and I hope you did too! Drive safely! I will call you tomorrow/the next day. Have a good night!” AND HE WILL CALL AS HE SAID. If the date did not go well, all that needs to be said by one of the parties is, “It was very nice meeting you.” That right there is the piss off. Actually the piss off is that the words, “I hope I can see you again” are never uttered.
I agree with this! Especially about the paying and walking back to the car! I had fun last night…thanks for coming the Midori cupcakes are all gone!! I have your plate 🙂
I agree.
That’s Knigge in Germany. I 100% agree! This is what my mother told me.
Ever heard of the book entitled “Death of Common Sense”? It was written during the 90s and mainly
concerns nitwitted politicians, but the title
could just as easily apply to the nitwitted American citizen.
In the past two decades we’ve seen the death of
shame and the death of embarrassment in America. Why do people dress like idiots or say inappropriate things in public? Because little or no stigma is attached to acting like you were born in a barn. Women don’t expect much from men nowadays, and that’s what they get.
(By the way, “incredible” behavior becomes more common when you travel at least 300 miles south and west of your location.)
So a man does 90% of the work during the first 3 dates? Okay, I’ll buy that. But at some point down the dating road, there HAS to be a quid pro quo in a dating relationship, otherwise one side of the equation will feel cheated.
I agree– it takes two to tango. There is equal work on both sides.
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Excellent list. It just so happens that’s exactly how I behave on a date…Wow! 🙂
Seriously, the way that some people treat the people they are dating is a shame. But the person above is correct-there is no shame anymore.
Excellent list. It just so happens that’s exactly how I behave on a date…Wow! 🙂
Seriously, the way that some people treat the people they are dating is a shame. But the person above is correct-there is no shame anymore.
Bravo! Except for #4.
Assuming this is not a first date, an incredible man (such as myself) would have invited you over for a meal he prepared himself (after tactfullly checking for food aversions). He would not have bragged about his ability to cook, but let the excellent food and wine selection speak for itself. His clean home, impeccable dress, and gracious manners…or lack of such, would tell you much you needed to know about accepting another date.
No waiters spilling drinks.
No awkwardness about the check.
Much more intimate and relaxing.
And if you want to “quid pro quo”…the bedroom is right there. 😉 60% of the time…it works all the time!
Just kidding of course!
You do realize that there are entire websites, aimed at men, which are devoted to the proposition that the behavior you request is guaranteed to quench any attraction a woman may feel for a man.
When I was in the dating game, however, I behaved myself in accordance with your rules, and even learned to smile gamely every time I heard the phrases, “I like you as a friend” and “someone like you, but not you.”
You have hit upon one of my pet peeves! The so called “nice man” who can’t find a “nice girl.” They only want bad boys who treat them like poop! Boo hoo! In my experience, these are not nice guys. These are men who have deep internal issues. They may initially come off as nice but they like to play mind games, they like to invalidate with a smile on their faces, and they like to get dumped so they can complain to anyone who listens. Let’s just say, I’ve been there, I’ve experienced them, and there is a reason they can’t find a nice girl. And if you are thinking to yourselves, “But I really am a nice guy and girls don’t like me!” It’s not the girl, it’s you. Find out what the issue is and fix it, you’ll find someone.