Donnerstag, Oktober 31, 2002
Went to a Halloween Party- dressed like a cowgirl. Lisa wore a purple wig. A guy walked around and gave out firecrackers. Drank 2 pints of Yuengling beer. Had a nice time-- came home early 'cause I'm proletariat.
Reunion is on Saturday. Very very very excited.
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X-E - The Worst Witch - Anything Can Happen On Halloween!
I love this song and video-- it is classic! It ranks right up there with the Pirate Movie, in my mind.
I am looking forward to all the little kids Trick or Treating tonight. As I have done for the past 4 years, I will don my gorilla mask and scare the sh*t out of them when they ring the doorbell. I enjoy it. Sue me.
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Mittwoch, Oktober 30, 2002
Ananova - German Beauty queen blames lack of offers on small breasts
A beauty queen has blamed a lack of lucrative job offers on her 'small breasts'. Sandra Griep has complained her breasts are too small for German tastes despite winning the Miss East Germany accolade in December 2001.
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Ananova - German's discarded lederhosen cause gridlock A German caused a huge traffic jam after he threw his lederhosen out of the window during a row with his girlfriend. The leather trousers landed on a tram line in the city of Augsburg where they shorted out the overhead electricity lines forcing trams to a halt, and blocking a main arterial road.
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Sonntag, Oktober 27, 2002
The play went very well. The one actor needed to speak louder, I could hardly hear a single word out of her mouth! Other than that, I was quite pleased.
One more week until the reunion. I bought everything that I needed. This evening I posed in front of my mirror wearing the dress--- trying to look at the whole me and not single out my thighs or knees for critical accessment. To be or not to be... able to carry off the little black dress, that is the question! I can do it.
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Freitag, Oktober 25, 2002
Reuters: Your Chance to Spend More Time in German Public Toilets
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German psychologist is touting a cure for paruresis, fear among men of using urinals, and seeking volunteers to spend time in public toilets.
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Ananova - German brothel ordered to keep on 77-year-old condom sorter
A German brothel has been told to give a 77-year-old his job back by an industrial tribunal which ruled he had been unfairly dismissed. The pensioner was told that his job, sorting industrial packs of condoms into smaller packets of ten for the prostitutes, was being axed.
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Ananova - Disco launderette opens in Germany
Students in Germany are washing their clothes at the launderette while sipping cocktails.
The country's first 'Wash Bar' has opened its doors to revellers. The disco launderette which opened in Ottensen in Hamburg is equipped not only with a row of washer-dryers but with a fully licensed bar and DJ box.
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Ananova - German opposition party being sued for using the Ketchup Song
Germany's main opposition party is facing court action for using the Ketchup Song without permission.
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Mittwoch, Oktober 23, 2002
My bestest friend Audgie is directing a play I wrote. It's being performed at her school this weekend. I wrote the play in college for a playwriting class. I am looking forward to seeing it.
The reunion is next weekend. Still need to buy stockings, shoes and a... wonderbra. Why do I want to buy a wonderbra? I guess I want to impress people and instead of discussing my job and accomplishments, I'd rather stuff my bra. It's ridiculous and I know it. Especially since I am aware that the only way I will ever have cleavage is if I draw it in with a black magic marker.
Yes, I am fixating and agonizing over this reunion. Yes, I am filled with anxiety. I am also oddly enjoying it.
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Montag, Oktober 21, 2002
Independent Woman - played by kittens - Joel Veitch rathergood.com, music by Elbow
What is wrong with me?!?! I LOVE these little kittens!
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Samstag, Oktober 19, 2002
Woman May Have Bitten Husband to Death?
MODESTO, Calif. (Reuters) - A California woman who allegedly flew into a rage and bit her husband repeatedly after he refused to have sex with her is being held on charges that police say may eventually include murder.
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Freitag, Oktober 18, 2002
Well Judy, since you asked.....my friend Charlie. I want to say more, I am just afraid I might jinx it. Of course, I was prepared to go alone- but I have realized I prefer the idea of going with someone. I AM EXCITED!!!!
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Donnerstag, Oktober 17, 2002
Won't be going alone to my reunion..... very very very happy.
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Mittwoch, Oktober 16, 2002
Sonntag, Oktober 13, 2002
The Onion | Horoscopes
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
The streets will soon run red with blood and echo with the tortured cries of the unforgiven, but you'll be amazed how quickly you get used to it.
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I bought a dress for my 10-year High School Reunion. It is black and quite short but I think with black sheer stockings it won't look sleazy. The reunion is in a few short weeks. AND I AM GOING ALONE. I actually gave serious thought to hiring an escort... okay, 15 seconds of serious thought until I dismissed it as insane. I figure I will go, walk around, see the people that I want to see and then if I am unhappy or not having fun, I will leave. High School did not treat me well. It was a horrendous time for me. Yet, for some reason, I need to go. I think it is a chapter in my life that needs some serious closure and I am hoping the reunion will do just that. It isn't important to have a date, I think. I will go alone and appear confident, independent, and unabhängig. Yeah, that is exactly what will happen.
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Freitag, Oktober 11, 2002
German Toilet Paper Novels Hit Stalls
FRANKFURT (Reuters) - Germans who like to read on the toilet no longer need to take newspapers in with them, but can instead turn to novels and poems printed onto toilet paper, a German publisher said on Wednesday.
It would probably be best to print a really horrible novel on toilet paper, that way you can get some joy by wiping it on your butt.
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Donnerstag, Oktober 10, 2002
Ananova - German Zoo keepers accused of eating their animals
Two German zoo keepers have been accused of eating the animals they were supposed to be looking after.
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Dienstag, Oktober 08, 2002
Massimo, you are right-- Moritz Bleibtreu did not portray Katja Riemann's homosexual brother in Stadtgespräch although he did portray the homosexual brother's BOYFRIEND which is what I meant to type. However, Armin Rohde was the homosexual butcher in Der Bewegte Man AND he was Herr Schuster in Lola Rennt! So Irren ist Massimo! ;-)
When I think of Irren ist Männlich I think of my old Gastschwester, Sabine. You see, Sabine took me to see Irren ist Männlich when it was playing in the theaters. This means I saw it with NO SUBTITLES. There was a scene in which the father was running around and screaming in German, naturally. I couldn't understand a word he was saying! Suddenly he ran out the door and into the street. I turned to Sabine and I said, "Sabine, what is going on? I don't understand!" Sabine replied, "Oh, the father, he was just screaming and then he ran out the door." I was about to say, "Sabine, I am not BLIND! What did the father say auf englisch!" ...but I didn't. It seemed easiest just to stay quiet. I am sure Sabine was thinking, "Stupid, lazy American fool!"
Those crazy Germans, you just gotta love 'em!
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Montag, Oktober 07, 2002
Leader Calls for Crackdown After Kiss
TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Sunday called on police to crackdown on immoral behavior in public after a storm of protest over a kiss at a film awards ceremony.
Well-known actress Gohar Kheirandish kissed the forehead of Ali Zamani and shook his hand as he collected the top director's prize at a ceremony last week in the central city of Yazd.
Kheirandish, who is in her 50s, appeared in court on Thursday to hear charges of immoral behavior and was released on $3,750 bail. Zamani, in his 20s, appeared in court earlier in the week. His bail was set at $2,500.
Lawyers said the pair could face a jail sentence or up to 74 lashes for their actions, but were more likely to be fined.
The pair have apologized for what they said was a spontaneous, maternal gesture by Kheirandish. The young director was a student of her late husband.
Call me ethnocentric- I don't care. These people are crazy!!!
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Sonntag, Oktober 06, 2002
I went upstate with my Mom this weekend to visit family and do some work on my grandmother's house. We got a lot accomplished in a day and a half. My aunt and cousin told me the funniest thing when I visited them: "Have we got a boy for you! He's an Elvis impersonator and when he performs at the fair next year, we are going to introduce you to him!" After looking at his Web page ->www.ryanpelton.com, I think I might let them. :-)
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Samstag, Oktober 05, 2002
It was a day full of German-ness. This morning there was an article in the newspaper that reported the Germans celebrated the 12th anniversary of German reunification and the newly restored Brandenburg Gate was finally unveiled. Then I read a movie review for Invincible which is about Hanussen, a phoney WWII seer/psychic and his relationship with a Jewish strongman (or something like that). This evening I watched Run Lola Run on IFC. And yes I admit I have seen it about 5 times now. I get a kick out of seeing the actors and remembering other German movies they were in... Hey, that guy played the homosexual S&M butcher in Der Bewegte Man! That guy played the homosexual brother in Stadtgesprache and the Turkish gangster in Knocking on Heaven's Door! That guy was in Comedian Harmonists! That guy played the infertile husband in Irren ist Männlich! Since I am on the topic of German movies, I saw a film about Hanussen a couple years ago. It was filmed in 1988 and was simply called Hanussen. Starring as Hanussen was Klaus Maria Brandenauer who acted in Burning Secret with Faye Dunaway. You will only know of Buning Secret if you get the Starz! channels on your satellite dish... this movie plays over and over. I watch it mainly to hear Klaus's accent.
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Donnerstag, Oktober 03, 2002
The World's Funniest Joke -- Official
By Corey Ullman
LONDON (Reuters) - After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world's funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.
In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people's offerings.
More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is it:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.
People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"
Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'
"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."'
Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:
"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."'
Death earned big laughs in Scotland:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:
"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk."'
The survey revealed other fun facts:
-- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.
-- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.
-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
Researchers said no one ever found it funny.
My laptop went belly up last night. Okay, it still works, just not very good. So I packed it in a box and I am sending it off to a techie to reformat its hard drive and load Win2000. Right now I am using a pitiful replacement laptop; the one I keep in my lower desk drawer that I pull out on occasions such as this. I am hoping my laptop comes back in one piece and working well. I hope!
Last weekend I saw Sweet Home Alabama. It was a pleasant distraction. I found Reese Witherspoon's character very sympathetic. I mean, how horrible is it to have 2 very attractive men in love with you? My heart bled for her. I wouldn't wish that dilemna on my worst enemy! :-)
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Mittwoch, Oktober 02, 2002
Glasses clearly hamper romance
It is said boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses - and now the scientists agree.
Academics studying nightclubbers have found an individual's "pulling power" increases by up to 400% if they ditch their spectacles.
I knew it!!!! Thanks Mike for the article- I enjoyed it, obviously! :-)
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