Yesterday I saw Sandy Bullocks latest movie, The Proposal. It was cute, I enjoyed it. I was shocked to see her so… NAKED in it! There are some celebrities I DO NOT want to see naked. Sandy is one of them. Joan Jett is another. I do not want to see Renee Zellweger’s boobies. Signourney Weaver should always remain totally clothed. And Gwyneth Paltrow too. And then there are some celebrities that I just expect them to remove their clothes and jump around shaking their wobbly bits. Angelina Jolie, Sharon Stone, Scarlet Johanson, etc… Sandy pretty much kept the main parts hidden but I am sorry, just because I can’t see your nipples but I can see everything else doesn’t mean I didn’t see you naked. I will say I was totally fascinated with her body. She had no cellulite or any excess skin. She appeared to not have any hair lower than her eyeballs or for that matter any pores. She was totally smooth in an almost alien way. Lisa said she probably had some sort of resurfacing work done. However she achieved it, she looked good– and flaunt it if you got it. Heck, if I looked like her I’d go to the grocery store naked and say things like, “I’m still using my first razor!” or “I don’t know, I do nothing and I just stay so SOFT!” Instead I have been known to shout, “4-6 WEEKS my ass! It’s more like 4-6 HOURS!”

I am so excited! Tonight on the SyFy channel (WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? WHY WOULD THEY TAKE A NAME THAT IS SPELLED CORRECTLY AND MAKES SENSE AND TOTALLY BASTARDIZE IT??? I KNOW WHY AND I DON’T LIKE IT– I TELL YOU, YOU DO NOT ABANDON THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU TO THE DANCE AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE DOING) is the debut of the SyFy original, soon to become classic movie, Malibu Shark Attack! Okay, I am not exactly excited about the movie but my favorite actress, Peta Wilson is starring in it as a lifeguard who discovers GOBLIN SHARKS!!! I love love love Peta– mainly from her turn as Nikita on La Femme Nikita. I still watch it over and over again, even today– a good 10 years after it was on first run syndication. There’s something about her voice and hair and the paranoia of the plot that just moves me. I am sick. I know.

A tsunami brings goblin sharks to Malibu, Cal., after a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from dry land. Peta Wilson, Warren Christie, Chelan Simmons.

I hope Malibu Shark Attack is good!

I awoke at 5am. My mind was racing. After a 1/2 hour I decided I might as well get up. And now I feel foggy. How is that possible?

Last night was Latin Impact. Glenda included a punta for us. I am not sure if it’s the dance I love or just the name of it. At the end of the class Glenda said, “Take Care Chicas!” I wanted to reply, “See ya later Papi Chulo!” But I wasn’t sure if that would be considered appropriate so I just said, “Take Care!”

I am getting so good at filling my days without work. I visit my parents. I clean. I visit my parents. I sleep. I walk. I ride my bicycle. I visit my parents. Perhaps instead of working towards a career, I should have tried to get a rich husband so all my days could be filled so sweetly.

Time to clean!

Last night was free pizza night at Vince’s Pizza, our local pizzeria. You buy one pizza and you get a second plain pizza FREE! So I went home to partake in all the pizza goodness my father brought home.

As soon as he dropped the pizzas on the table my father said, “What’s this crap about a concealed weapon permit?”
“Well, errr, uhhhhhh.”
He then told me that he didn’t think it was a smart idea. He said that not only would it be easy to take a gun off me (little weak thing that I am) but guns give you a false sense of confidence. He said that ultimately the point of a gun is death and would I be able to live with myself if push came to shove? He gave me a ton of other reasons why a gun may not be a good idea for me. It made me think of this song by Johnny Cash, Don’t Take Your Guns to Town:

The thing is… I just want the permit. I wouldn’t get a gun until I am 100% trained on how to use it and clean it and store it, etc… And we know I have NO follow through. The likelihood of me accomplishing any of that is just above nil. But maybe I am just being crazy to even talk about it. Maybe I am better not having one. Besides… MY BODY IS MY WEAPON! Don’t make me go BERSERK!

I LOVE Billy Jack! Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

I just cleaned up my half of the garage. It was hard work. Three bags of garbage are now ready for the curb. There’s still more cleaning to be done but it must wait until Lisa comes over and works on her half. As soon as I finished I got on my bicycle and rode around my neighborhood in celebration. I love my bike. I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Ox riding it. Except instead of a gingham dress and pigtails I wore a strawberry printed t-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants that have a fake tramp stamp design right above the ass. And pigtails. I wonder if that’s the reason why some man shouted “Dobryj Dyen!” as I rode by.
“Pardon?”
“You not Russian?”
“No”
“Sorry, you look it!”
“No problem… Thanks!” And I did take it as a compliment because the Russian ladies in my development are damn sexy. Although I will say sexiness is not the vibe I was channeling. Dusty and sweaty, yes. Sexy, no.

I earned $1.60 yesterday! How’s that for awesome? Google Adsense is fast becoming my best friend!

Yesterday I went to Latin Impact. I really feel like I am getting good! I owe a lot to the shoes I recently bought: HIP HOP DANCE SNEAKERS! I gotta tell you, never in a million years did I think I would own any article of clothing with “Hip Hop” in it’s name. But I do because I am a hip-hopping, punta-shaking, latin-dancing, 34-year old woman. I just wanted to get my age in there since it will be ticking up in just a short number of weeks and until then (sept 2) I want to yell it from the mountaintops. Yeah, official mid-thirties are a comin’ quick. Frightening I tell you, FRIGHTENING!

So do you think every “work from home” or “get rich quick” program is a fraudulent scheme? I got really excited last night thinking I finally found a real one but by the morning light I realized it was just one big fat bamboozlement. Thankfully I didn’t sign up for it last night when it still looked pretty good to me. I would have been out 70.00 a month for the rest of my life! It’s a good think I keep my credit card far away from my computer! I subscribe to Early To Rise and every day they have a new Get Rich Quick email that shows up in tandem with their newsletter. I wonder if maybe there’s a real one nestled in with all the deceptive ones. Or maybe the real get rich quick scheme is just to invent a get rich scheme and market it. I couldn’t do that… I’d feel horrible cheating people.

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My neighbor and I have gotten friendly. She’s a real nice girl. I invited her to come to my Latin Impact: Punta! class the other day… and she came! Yesterday she showed up at my door with a quart of Rita’s Water Ice. Her parent’s are Rita’s Water Ice bigwigs and they get tons of Ice to share. And can you believe how lucky I am? They decided to share their new flavor of Ice with me! S’More! It’s really good– really sweet but really good. It tastes just like a S’more– Graham Cracker, Marshmallow and Chocolate. I am loving it although I don’t think I would ever buy it on my own… can you imagine how much punta I would have to do to work off all those extra calories?

“Somebody said to me, ‘But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.’ That’s a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, ‘Now, let’s write a swimming pool.’” — Paul McCartney

I resisted having ads on Donnaville for a long time. I thought it was creepy placing ads on a personal Web site. That was until a certain someone told me he makes $80.00 a month on his ads! That’s a lot of money! And with $80.00 of riches in mind, I set up a Google Adsense account for Donnaville. Sure, it’s not enough for a swimming pool but it’ll buy me some hot wings and beer… which makes me just as happy!

If the ad on the right bothers you, then find me a job.

I got an invite the other day to join Google Voice!  I immediately logged in and picked a phone number.  Google allows you to search for a  number that spells words or contains a string of numbers.  I tried DONNA, DONNAL, DONNAS, LIBERTY, VILLE, EPEEL, AVENGERS, etc…  Nothing was available.  So I then put in my parents’ phone number and voila!  My number is almost exactly like theirs except my second number is omitted and a 0 is appended to the end.  This makes it easy for them and me!  Unfortunately no one other than me has called my Google Voice number so I can’t exactly report on usage.  All I know is I have called it and left a test message and within seconds I get an email and a text message saying a message was left and when I log into Google Voice the message has been TRANSCRIBED PERFECTLY and as the recorded message plays the transcribed words light up!  It’s awesome.  Some people seem a bit worried that this is yet another invasion of privacy and Google will now have access to our phone coversations as well as our email and searching history.  That could be true.  It doesn’t overly worry me but that could be because I am a tech geek and I am blinded by the shininess of it all.

Turns out I already have a library card!  Last time I used it was about 20 years ago.  The Librarian told me that although the card has expired, she would still have to charge me the “Lost Card” fee.   How insane is that?  I have to pay 3.00 to get a new card.  Just as I was about to tell the woman why it has been 20 years since I last set foot in the library, she told me instead of paying the lost card fee, I could just use my driver’s license to check out books.   I’ll pay the 3.00 for the card, I would have paid it today if I had some cash on me… I just can’t stand the bureaucratic nonsense.

Tomorrow I am thinking about applying for a concealed weapon’s permit.  The problem is it costs 46.00.  Everything costs about 46.00.  15 gallons of gas?  About 46.00.  Two pizzas and a salad?  About 46.00.  Groceries for the week?  About 46.00.  Dry Cleaning for 3 dresses and 1 pair of slacks?  About 46.00 (Luckily I had a 40% discount coupon).  The thing is I need to get into spending freeze mode and I am not sure if I should spend another 46.00 on something.  Especially when I don’t own a gun.  But the thing is right now I have the time to go to the courthouse and fill out the paperwork and do whatever else is needed.  Maybe I should just do it because I can?  Just like how I am kicking myself that I didn’t get a new garage door, shower stall and windows when I was working.