Yesterday, Rob and I went to one of his friend’s 40th birthday party. We ate and ate and drank and drank and then I joined the kids on the trampoline. As the radio played Joan Jett’s I Love Rock and Roll, I jumped up and down and up and down! It was so much fun and truly a great workout. I wish I could get one for my backyard– except I don’t really have a backyard since I live in a fascist townhouse community. The gestapo forced me to take down my Ron Paul sign, could you imagine how they’d freak if I erected a huge trampoline?

We sat with Steve and Caren and I mentioned her pending wedding shower. Just as the words were out of my mouth Steve said, “Uh, Donna, it’s a surprise shower.”
“Well, Steve, if it’s a Surprise Shower how come that wasn’t stated on the invitation or mentioned to me when I RSVPed?”
“My sister screwed up.”
This may sound insane but I am a little ticked off by this situation. I don’t feel bad that I let the cat out of the bag but I am pissed off for a few other reasons.

1. Surprise showers are cute for little twenty somethings who haven’t spent the last 40 years dreaming of getting married. Give this woman a break and let her in on it. I am glad I said something because she later told me that Steve told her there wasn’t going to be a shower! I am sorry but that is plain cruel.

2. Rob said, “You shouldn’t have said anything- It’s just common sense.” NO IT’S NOT! Showers are not typically SURPRISE Parties. I wouldn’t have said a word had someone clued me to the fact that it was a surprise- like on the invitation or when I called to RSVP. Every shower I have ever gone to, and I have gone to quite a few and even helped plan one (Hiya Audgie!), not a single one was a surprise. The brides know exactly when, where, what and why.

3. I guess there isn’t a 3. Well, maybe the third reason why I am pissed is I wish Rob, rather than scolding me, said, “Gosh Steve, it’s just common sense to put Surprise Party on the invitation!”

Okay, and now I am finished. I am dropping this episode from my mind. I am not going to chew on it anymore. Stick a fork in this situation, IT’S DONE!

I cannot tell you how happy I am that Friday is here and I have 2 days in which I do not have to cold call or worry about the next sale. Sure I will be thinking about it but there will be other things taking place. I am sitting here– perched on the edge of my bed, wearing a robe, my head impersonating Erika Badu, trying to motivate myself to finish my usual routine. My eyes hurt. I forgot to purchase or wash a pair of stockings. I have no clue what to wear. I spent the last 4 days wearing heels and my feet just want to go bare. I can’t— I have a presentation this afternoon that requires dressing to the nines. Oh dear, I truly do need the weekend. Perhaps I will spend the entire time in bed! That only works for me until about 8:00 am and the I feel lazy and self-hating. … Okay, I gotta move. The hands of the clock are not waiting for me.

I found a Web page linking to me! This is the first inbound link in what feels like forever! There was a time people linked to me but I don’t know what happened. It just seemed to stop. It may have something to do with my inability to post anything of interest or note. I also seem to blog an awful lot about farts and poop which may turn people away.

On another note, I am thinking about deleting my I Spy Donnacam page. I haven’t updated it in over a year and I have no intention of ever updating it again. There’s something rather cute about a 20-something girl posing for silly pictures every night. On the other hand, there is something desperately wrong and sad about a 30-something woman doing the same thing. Thus the end of the Donnacam. It was certainly fun while it lasted. (Holy cow, can it be true that I’ve been doing this for 10 years?!?!)

Found a really cool store today. It’s called Steve and Barry’s. Everything was priced 8.98 and under! I got two really great pairs of jeans, a sweet black dress that looks like it came from Audrey Hepburn’s closet and a cute little coral-colored, short sleeve shirt. I have passed this place many many times but I never went in because for some odd reason I thought it was a sporting goods store! What I really love about it is the jeans come in lengths- short, regular and long. Guess which one I bought? LONG! They actually fit me perfectly! Here’s the thing though, the clothes are rather junior-ish. This isn’t a place to shop for work clothes but in terms of just regular weekend stuff– it’s great.

Find out if there’s one by you

It’s taking so long. I thought I could just up and change my banking institution quickly and easily. It doesn’t work like that. Forms need to be filled, signatures need to be sent, accounts need to be set up, deposits need to be made… it’s taking so much longer than I expected that I am losing my momentum.

I had it in my head that I was going to take my rolled over 401K and invest it myself in Vanguard index funds, just as I learned in the book, The Four Pillars of Investing: Lessons for Building a Winning Portfolio by William J. Bernstein. The thing is, I spoke to a financial planner at Charles Schwab and he told me about their Schwab Managed Portfolios. Basically, after a consultation to understand my goals*, they will select a portfolio full of no load mutual funds for me and then manage and rebalance it as needed. The annual service fee is 0.50% of the portfolio’s value. This is really attractive to me but that may be because I am such a schlub when it comes to money. I would prefer to have someone else manage it and if something happens to it, I can blame them rather than myself. My father keeps telling me I should be aiming for growth and index funds just aren’t going to offer me enough growth. The 401K that the money came from was all mutual funds and I got about a 9% return with it. My fear right now is that the economy is on verge of collapse and I am just going to watch everything go down the toilet- index funds and/or Schwabs managed portfolio. I could split the portfolio in half and do both rather than pick one but is that just a wishy washy coward’s approach? I realize that giving someone else free reign with my money is stupid and Schwab is out to make money for themselves and not me. I gotta make a decision. I just don’t know what to do.

*My goal? Hello? To not lose money! This seems like all those silly interviews with sports people, “What’s your keys to the game?” SCORE MORE POINTS THAN THE OTHER TEAM! DUH!

1. LAUNDRY– At least 3 loads! Towels, Sheets, Blacks
2. Groceries– Use the Quaker Oats Coupon, and get coffee filters, coffee, Silk Milk, Chips, and other healthy items
3. Vacuum– All the rooms
4. Clean up loft– desk is messy, floor is littered with stuff
5. Kitchen– put away dishes and run dishwasher
6. Attempt to write will

Rob asked how my doctor’s appointment went. I told him it wasn’t easy and I was desperately uncomfortable but ultimately I survived. Rob told me I should have approached the situation differently. Instead of allowing the doctor to make me uncomfortable I should have tried to make her uncomfortable.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for instance, after the breast examination, you could have said, ‘Okay! My turn now!'”
He came up with a couple other ones that only succeeded in making me uncomfortable. I told him although it was an interesting concept, I didn’t think I could do it.

I survived the doctor! Hooray! And it wasn’t so bad. I always blow it way out of proportion.