I watched the season premiere of 24. It’s actually the first time I have seen a whole episode. John talks about it incessantly. I only decided I would watch it after I caught a few minutes of a past episode in which Dennis Hopper showed up talking with an absolutely ridiculous Russian accent. “Now this is something I could get into,” I thought. Later John told me Geraint Wyn Davies was joining the cast. I LOVE Geraint Wyn Davies and I believe in supporting the actors from my old favorite shows. Geraint starred in one of my most favorite television shows, Forever Knight. It was about a vampire cop who wants to be mortal again, to repay society for his sins, to emerge from his world of darkness and his endless FOREVER NIGHT! Grrrrrrrrr!

I enjoyed watching 24 although I think I would have really loved it if instead of Keifer Sutherland, a young Charles Bronson starred. Of course that could never happen since Charles Bronson is dead. OK, so instead of Charles Bronson, imagine PETA WILSON! Speaking of Peta, one of the other reasons I decided to watch 24 is that I found out that the creators of La Femme Nikita are the ones who have created 24.

I slept late this morning. I’ve been sleeping late every morning. That will stop tomorrow. Last night I had dreams about my old company and colleagues. I think my head is only now beginning to wrap itself around the finality of what has happened. I still feel fine about it.

Last night Lisa and I watched the cutest little movie called Sky High. It was so light and fluffy and fun. You wouldn’t believe the cast! Lynda Carter! Bruce Campbell! Kevin MacDonald and Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall! Cloris Leachman! WOW!

We also watched the first half of Zardoz. It became a little tedious and after the 4th rape scene I told Lisa I needed a rest.

It snowed last night. The only reason why it snowed is because I told John that it wouldn’t. Mother Nature likes to show me up.

John and I watched Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989) last night. I enjoyed it and found many similarities between it and Match Point that John and I watched last Sunday.

Yesterday I visited Audra and she showed me all the items she has amassed for her wedding. It should be fun getting everything together.

Last night I spent the evening watching old movies. I started the evening with Sunset Blvd. William Holden was excellent in that movie. I love the fact that he’s being kept. The next movie was Mr. Skeffington which really should have been called Mrs. Skeffington. Bette Davis and Claude Rains. Bette goes from beautiful young woman to ugly hag after a horrible bout of diphtheria. She struggles to accept her appearance. No one wants her and she is sad that she let Claude go when she was beautiful. Thankfully, Claude returns. Sadly he had been in a concentration camp. He is a broken man, poor and blind. Bette takes him back and it just works perfectly because he is blind and he doesn’t know she lost her looks and she will always be young and beautful to his inner eye.

A Woman’s Face starring Joan Crawford was next. This story was practically the inverse of Mr. Skeffington. As a child, Joan was burned and left facially disfigured. No one accepts her and so she turns to crime. She becomes a blackmailer. Along the way she meets Melvyn Douglas, a plastic surgeon who actually is able to fix her face. Once beautiful she takes up with her old partner, Conrad Veidt who convinces her to kill his young nephew. She gets a job as the child’s governance. Somehow, she finds her hard exterior cracking and she begins to love the child. When the time comes to kill him by tossing him out a ski lift, she can’t do it! Conrad Veidt realized this and takes the child on this horrific sleigh ride. Joan and Melvin try to stop Conrad but they just can’t get him to stop the sleigh. Joan seizes the moment and shoots Conrad! The jury realizes it is self defence and she is acquitted. At the same time, Melvyn and Joan realize they love each other and…. THE END!

The laptop is now sitting in a FedEx truck, waiting to be whisked away to Chicago. I didn’t wipe it clean or infect it with any viruses. My feeling is, I want to act professional, unaffected, and detached. There is nothing bad anyone can say about me or how I behaved.

I have almost all the company stuff packed. The laptop has been wiped of all personal data and is currently defragging. Soon I will place it in a cardboard box and send it to Chicago. I feel a sadness knowing that this part of my life is over. I’m happy to move on but I am also sad to see it go.

The weather is beautiful. Strangely warm for January. I took Bo for a walk. We stopped at the neighborhood playground. I held Bo in my lap and we swung gently on the swings. It was lovely.

John took me out to eat last night. I chose to wear my burgundy corduroy skirt and a black shirt. I thought I looked pretty snazzy. John arrived at the donnavilla exactly at the appointed time. When I opened the door, I saw that he wore a burgundy shirt and black pants.
“Hey! We match!” said John.
“I will change my skirt.”
“Don’t, it’s cool that we match”
“John, we look like Donny and Marie!”
“Okay, go and change.”
I may be wrong but on the car ride to the restaurant I was pretty sure I heard John humming, “A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock & Roll.”

Friday night I laid in bed for hours before sleep overtook me. Last night I fell asleep almost immediately. About an hour later I had a night terror. I have been plagued by night terrors most of my life. They strike in times of stress, over-caffeination or utter boredom. More often than not they are insects, monsters, or dark-cloaked figures. I wake up to see them hovering above me or standing before me and a fear like no other grips my soul. When the paralysis wears off, I scream and run. When I finally come to, I am fine and am able to go right back to bed. The fear doesn’t stick with me. However, as I have gotten older I have stopped reacting. I guess after 30 years of frightening images showing up in my bedroom, I have become jaded. The night terror I had last night wasn’t horrific. Actually, it was almost comforting if you can describe a night terror in that way. I saw Jesus on the cross floating above my bed. I gazed up and watched him hover and slowly I began to realize that it wasn’t Jesus but my overhead fan.

I fell back to sleep after Jesus’s visit. At 3:00 I awoke again and stayed awake. I spent the next 4 hours thinking about my old job. I kept hearing my ex-boss say, “Sales Operations has been centralized, your job has been eliminated. I am now passing the phone to Human Resources.” Would it have killed her to say, “I’ve enjoyed working with you and wish you luck?” I guess it doesn’t really matter. It would have been hollow.

I had suspected for some time that my time was limited. When my boss called, I knew I was gone. I was not shocked. What actually did shock me though was my reaction. I had always wondered how I would react and I suspected I might sob like a little girl. Instead, I found myself enveloped in euphoria. A future more bright suddenly opened before me.

My job hadn’t challenged nor fulfilled me in months. I knew I had hit the end of the road. There was no place for me to go in the company. I often asked myself, “What am I doing?” and “Where am I going?” The answer was always, “Nothing.” The thing is, the job was comfy. It was very very very comfy and the thought of leaving something so comfortable despite my boredom was difficult. Besides, this company is all I know. I got a job with them immediately after college and I changed positions every couple years. Not working for them is an absolutely foreign concept to me.

Being laid off is the push I needed. Now I have no choice but to get out there and see what is available and determine what exactly it is I want to do for a living. I know I will land on my feet. They were very generous to me and I have some time to play with before I need to panic.

I just hope I get comfortable enough with being unemployed that this insomnia will go away.

Elvis was born 71 years ago today. Happy Birthday!