Category Archives: Blah Blah Blah

This is my default category and consists mainly of my mundane ramblings.

Momma Bear

Our neighbors’ marriage imploded. They put their house up for sale and now we have new neighbors. The word got out that our new neighbors have a 3-year-old son. Over the last few weeks, I’ve spent more time than I care to admit staring out the window, hoping for signs of life from them. Although cars came and went, I never saw a single person emerge or enter their house. FINALLY, yesterday as I collected our mail, I noticed a man standing outside their garage. I marched over with Jimmy and Jed and introduced myself and the boys. Turns out they do indeed have a 3-year-old son! Jimmy needs a best friend…. badly. And I am so excited, I really hope this little boy can be his friend.

Last weekend I finished the update to my book. It really should be a second edition but my publisher doesn’t even want to talk about a second edition until they have a full year of sales numbers. Plus, the author apparently doesn’t get compensated for updates. We do them to keep the book viable and selling. I am happy it’s updated– it was a task that honestly seemed insurmountable. I am just glad it’s behind me.

Yesterday I received a scathing email from a woman, angry about a link that I had posted on Social Media. It was a link to an article that I wrote but for some reason the link wasn’t working right for her. Rather than taking a step back, breathing in and breathing out, realizing that I have always put out good, valuable content, and that clearly something wasn’t right, she emailed me the meanest words. She assumed that it was some sort of SPAM and she was going to unfollow me and tell everyone she knows to unfollow me. So I picked up the phone and called her. Walked her through how to click the link and lo and behold it worked just fine. I asked her why, after having followed me for ages, being a commenter and sharer of so many of my posts, she would immediately jump to the conclusion that I was doing something evil and not that it was a simple technical snafu. She said she was having a bad day.

It’s 6am-ish. I woke up early. Couldn’t go back to sleep. This happens with quite a bit of frequency. I just wish I could take the time and be more productive. Maybe I’ll go make a banana cake.

Forward March

I feel age catching up to me. The kids today are different and I feel a division. Technology is changing and what was easy for me is getting so very hard. I feel my focus moving from me to my sons… it’s no longer about me at all.

I also feel tired. It’s constant clawing to make a tiny little mark. Is that true for everyone? Or is it just me? Those that are truly successful, how did they know what to do? Do they have an innate ability? Did they find a great mentor? Did they just luck into it? They probably developed a strong network of high-level individuals, took risks, borrowed money, hired good people, and succeeded.

I went on holiday and submerged myself in crystal blue waters. It was heaven. And now I am back in front of my computer. Everything passes. Quickly.

Self-actualization

I want to…

  • Get up and stretch
  • Walk to clear my mind and refresh/reset
  • Take an hour and read a business book/work on my own professional development
  • Exercise for 45 minutes- elliptical, yoga, Zumba, weights… anything!
  • Journal daily as a way to express and explore my feelings and come to terms with the situations happening around me
  • Shower and dress in nice clothes and make myself look presentable on a daily basis
  • Meditate

Instead…

  • I sleep in… with both boys nestled in my arms
  • Get dressed in jeans or yoga pants and a stretched out t-shirt
  • Pour cheerios or yogurt for the boys
  • Head into my office and work
  • Sometimes stop for lunch… consisting of a frozen burrito, microwaved or last night’s dinner leftovers
  • Work until the nanny leaves
  • Take the boys outside so they can run around
  • Make dinner
  • Eat dinner
  • Clean up after dinner
  • Watch tv with Eddie and the boys
  • Give the boys a bath
  • Fall asleep with the boys snuggled beside me

She had a dream

imagesDelivered a presentation this morning. Prior to starting, I schmoozed with attendees. Spoke with a woman who quizzed me on the election.

I try to avoid politics; it’s never something that will end well. Regardless, we chatted around the topic. She told me she voted for Trump, I told her I voted for Johnson. We agreed that the political climate is so ugly right now and friendly discourse seems impossible although we were clearly doing just fine.

As we talked, I mentioned that the one thing my mind keeps returning to is Hillary’s loss. Hillary wanted to be president – she really wanted to be president. Every move she’s made over the last 20(?) years strategically aligned her with the end goal of presidency.

She’s 69-years-old and I can’t imagine that she will run again. Her dream is DEAD. I am 42-years-old and I fall asleep at 10:00 every night. Watching the news over the last year, seeing her crisscrossing the USA, I marveled at her determination, energy, and strength.

All that work, all that action… and she lost the election. I cannot fathom the immenseness of this defeat and the death of her dream.

The woman asked me, “Have you ever experienced a loss of that magnitude? Something that you wanted so greatly and worked so hard for… to have it ripped out of your hands at the last hour?”

I looked back at my life. I thought about auditioning for the Music Man play in 6th grade and not even making chorus. I remember trying out for volleyball and basketball in 8th grade and not making either team. I remember early in my career interviewing for a Product Manager position and not getting it. I thought of a prospect that I wooed for a year and when it came time to make the purchase, he went with my competitor.

“No, I can’t think of anything that I wanted so badly, that I did everything I could do, and yet I still failed.”

“Maybe you get everything you want?”

I laughed but I realized the truth was quite painful. I have never aimed high enough. I have never swung for that higher branch.

I’ve taken risks and I have experienced success but without having some truly gut-wrenching failures…. Can I honestly say I aimed high enough? I have simply played it safe.

And I think of Donald Trump. Say what you want but that guy aimed high. I think he has always aimed high. He certainly has the failures to show for it… and he has the success and wins, too.

Toward the end of his life, my father told me his biggest regret was he didn’t aim high enough. Today I finally really understand what he meant: Take risks. Get out of your comfort zone. Fail big time. Not only will the success you experience be so much greater but it will also taste sweeter.

The world hasn’t ended

Elvis and presidentI really thought Hillary would win. I mean, I KNEW IT! Rather than watch election results coversage, I tuned into TCM and watched Hitchcock’s Saboteur starring Robert Cummings and Priscilla Lane. Is it just me or does it seem like Priscilla Lane was always on the lam in every movie she starred? Except for Arsenic and Old Lace.

Right after they get to Soda City and intersect with the real enemy agents, I found my eyelids getting very very heavy and off to la la land I went. I awoke at 6 am and as I stared at the ceiling, I thought to myself, “What if Trump won?” At that moment, hubby walked in and said, “Trump it is.”

How crazy weird is this world? Trump? It just proves that a megalomaniac psychopath can do pretty much anything. Now don’t get me wrong– I am not on either side here. I’d probably be thinking pretty much the same thing if Clinton got in.

I have to admit, I enjoyed the Apprentice; so I figure the next four years will definitely be entertaining.

Ultimately, it really doesn’t matter. All you can do is concentrate on living a good life as best you can. Do good and be good. Everything will work out.

My father used to tell me that even in the darkest days, during plagues, revolts, and genocides, people continued to live their lives. They went on living and survived the best they could and some people succeeded despite it all. So I guess I am just saying that life goes on and I am not particularly worried one way or the other.

Dust Be My Destiny was the other film Priscilla Lane starred in that had her running with John Garfield. Weren’t there others?

3 Years of Wedded Bliss

elvis-boredThe 12th was my wedding anniversary. Three years of wedded bliss. I am loving every minute of it.

I do cast my mind back to my single, non-mother days and wonder how in the world I thought I was busy? It really amazes me more mothers didn’t punch me in the face when I would complain about not having any time.

The days fly by. Hitting 42 was a bit of a shock. I started dying my hair because the grays were getting far too noticeable. I find myself complaining about the “kids of today.” If I am not careful I’ll soon be telling young whippersnappers to get off my lawn.

I can’t wait for the election to be over. If anything, I am realizing that I REALLY need to get off Facebook. If I could just switch my time from Facebook to reading books, wow– I’d get smart fast. Instead, I am addicted to the endless scrolling. Whoever wins, the next 4 years promise to be interesting. And in case anyone is wondering, I am not supporting any major party.

What else? Jed turned one. Jimmy will turn 3 in December. Kids grow fast. Jimmy is talking. Jed is climbing. I miss my father. I feel grateful for my life. Blue Apron is a pretty awesome service but their portions are for small-sized people. I should buy Triscuit stock.

I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so

Hashimoto's DiseaseThe biopsy results came back. Nodules are benign but I apparently have Hashimoto’s disease based upon the white cell count.

Ultimately this is no huge deal. It just means hormone therapy for the rest of my life. I’ve already been taking Synthroid for the last 6 months and it’s made a huge difference in my life. I no longer feel like I am trapped in a large bowl of jello.

Whew! Thank goodness!

My thyroid is lumpy and juicy

Elvis-doctorWith every second, minute, hour that passes, I feel a little bit better. Tomorrow I will truly feel relieved.

Yesterday I had a biopsy performed on my thyroid. The doctor said that if the results aren’t good (meaning cancer or Hashimoto’s) the lab will call within 24 to 48 hours. Otherwise, results will arrive in a week. So no immediate news is a good thing.

Jimmy is talking up a storm. I asked if he was hungry and he replied, “I not hungry, I Jimmy!”

Earlier, I was nursing Jed, and Jimmy, out of nowhere, found the whole thing funny. He started to laugh.

“Why are you laughing Jimmy?”

“Baby eating mommy’s boobie! Hahahaha”

Jed is no longer a baby, he’s ambling around like a champ. He’s an amazing eater. Whatever I put on his plate he eats.

All is so good.

Please, please, please no phone calls from the endocrinologist. Please!

10 Months

Little Jed is 10-months-old. Little Jimmy is 2-1/2-years-old. I am 41-years-old. Dad’s been gone 5 years.

I talked to my dad every day– sometimes multiple times a day. He often gave me advice. The one thing he said to me has been roaring in my ears lately: “Blinders, you need blinders– don’t look at others, don’t spend time thinking of what other people are doing or saying or thinking. Wear blinders. Keep yourself focused on your own tasks at hand.”

I have two boys to raise, a book to write, a life to lead. I am saying no to all other distractions.


Toohey: “Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us.”
Roark: “But I don’t think of you.”