Monthly Archives: March 2012

Dream with meaning, down the drain

Last night I had a dream I found myself pregnant. Wondering who the father might be never occurred to me. All I knew was that my stomach was swollen and a baby would soon emerge. Time passed without a baby and I began to worry something was wrong. I went to the bathroom to do #2 and found the baby had plopped out at the moment I flushed! Quickly I reached into the toilet, trying to save her. She went down the hole, my hand went after her. I reached her and pushed her against wall of the pipe and I felt the water and crap flush by. Pulling her out, she looked dead and retarded. I cradled her in my arms and she began to come alive, spitting out poopie toilet water. Even though she was alive, she felt plastic… like the old baby dolls I played with as a toddler. My mom appeared and I told her that my baby was damaged. Mom wasn’t overly concerned. She said that a lot of babies are lost to toilets.

So hmmmmmmmm, I dream about my baby getting flushed down the toilet. I wonder what in the world it could mean 😉

Living breathing believing

What to say, what to say? I’ve been so quiet here. More quiet than ever before.

I write so much with work that I can’t seem to motivate myself to blog for fun. And what is there to blog about? Either it’s boring or it has something to do with work and I don’t want to cross pollinate.

Over the weekend I watched the movie Taxi Driver. It was totally different than what I thought. It was also really good. I could have done without the violence at the end but all in all it wasn’t that bad. I do think the end was a dream though.

I am quite sad over the death of Davy Jones. It has me listening to my Monkee records again. I haven’t watched any old episodes… not yet at least. I will admit that when the first email arrived to alert me of Davy, I read the subject, “Monkee Dead,” and I immediately assumed it was Peter Tork. Peter’s been ill so it made sense. I am still angry over the Peter Dork incident.

Bob’s Burgers has returned and I am delighted. Is it just me or are these newer episodes illustrated differently? The show doesn’t look as raw anymore.

Oh, on Saturday, E-Man took me to a comedy club. We saw Chris Rich perform… along with a bunch of other people. We made friends with the couple seated next to us. The man looked EXACTLY like Peter Lorre. On Sunday, E and I took Bo to the park for a walk and then we had Sunday Dinner with mom and L. It was a great weekend.

See, this is why I rarely write anymore.

How times change

Yesterday we gathered together, friends and family, to do pysanky. Last year pysanky was interrupted. Cousin David and his family were on their way over when my dad died. It’s just one month shy of a full year. I don’t know how that’s possible. I still can feel the heaviness in the air in those days after my dad’s death. There was an otherworldly quality that lingered. I remember sitting out on the deck with Lisa and mom, feeling the air crinkling around me. Friends would visit and sit with us and we just sat there, in a state of shock and numbness.

Fast forward to now and my dad is gone but the family comes and we sit around the kitchen table with our styluses, wax, dyes and eggs. We talk about how it’s not the end result but the process of creating the egg. Cracked eggs teach us the ephemeral, temporal quality of life. And I think, yeah, Daddy’s not here anymore.

Pysanky

And in the midst of it is so much joy. Seeing the kids. Watching them get bigger. Introducing the E-Man to my family. Experiencing normalcy. At the end of the night, I hugged E and said, “Thank you for being so kind and sweet and friendly and talkative and normal!”

“How else would I be?” he replied.

If he only knew what I endured with PB.

But it’s over and I need to stop comparing him… it’s hard when everyone says, “It’s so nice to see you with someone so kind and sweet!”

Dad would be happy. If here were here.

I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like as spring appears… spring was always my dad’s favorite time of year. He loved the blooming trees and flowers.

11 months of unadulterated change.