Father’s Day 2011

Well that was just the weirdest Father’s Day, ever.

The morning was spent getting my house ready for the new floors. Lisa and Mom came over and helped me move the larger items. Once everything was moved, we sat in my now practically empty parlor and tried to come up with new company names:

  • Cosmic Marketing and Designs
  • Moonjava Marketing
  • Poupi Kakas
  • Magnolia Marketing
  • Starbright Marketing
  • Starlight Marketing
  • Sunstar Marketing & Designs
  • Blue Karma Marketing

Poupi Kakas was a joke, I think.

They went home and I followed a few hours later. We ordered dinner and ate it out on the deck. As we ate, we cried. Once dinner was finished we went into the dining room with dad’s ashes. We opened the box, untied the bag that contained his ashes and scooped some of his remains out and filled the cremation pendants we recently ordered online. Mom then decided she wanted to put a little of dad out with Cocoa and so we went into the backyard with about a tablespoon of dad and sprinkled him into a hole right above Cocoa’s stepping stone grave. I wiped the dust of my father that stuck to my hands onto the wet ground and cried. Back inside we filled a pill vial with more of my father’s remains. My mom said we can take a little bit of him to Slovakia and the remaining bit we can mix with her remains when she goes. Everything else will be unleashed into the ocean tomorrow.

As we poked through my father’s remains, I kept wondering if we’d find his gold tooth. I almost wanted to find it just so I could be sure this big bag, full of gray ash and tiny flakes of white bone and teeth, was really him… instead we found his dental implant. My mother said, “Do you want to keep the implant?”

I thought about it. There was this weird part of me that wanted to keep it regardless how macabre it seemed. My father wouldn’t have liked that idea one bit… of course, he wouldn’t have liked us donating his lower flesh and bones to science or us sprinkling a bit of him with Cocoa or taking him to Slovakia or wearing him around our necks. Where would I keep it? In my jewelry box? I put it back in the bag.

I walked to the kitchen sink and washed my hands. I visualized all the years my father stood at that sink, mixing up his weird vitamin concoctions. And now here I stood, washing his dust from my hands. He was literally going down the drain.

What did I do next? I poured myself a drink and tried to numb myself.

I hope everyone had a lovely Father’s Day!

3 thoughts on “Father’s Day 2011

  1. B. Davis

    You’re dealing with the most difficult subject a human being can face — the death of a loved one. I don’t want
    to get too personal, but —- did your dad express in writing what he intended for his remains?
    When my beloved pet Alfie (an American Eskimo dog) died three years ago I had his remains donated to a university (North Dakota State). Although I wept for several days I felt some comfort in knowing that the necropsy of my pet might prove beneficial to some future animal research. Alfie was cremated and his ashes spread across a field on the college campus. Sometimes you strive for some comfort, no matter how small, from a heartbreaking loss.

  2. Donna Post author

    My dad never wrote down what he wanted but he verbally made it known what he wanted. He even instructed Lisa exactly what to do. (Unfortunately, she can’t seem to remember what jetty or other significant details of the conversation).

    The one thing I know is he wanted to be scattered in the ocean. We are doing that. We may be going about the scattering slightly different than he had envisioned but he’s gonna be where he wanted to be.

  3. B. Davis

    My dad has left verbal instructions too…he wants some
    quasi-military funeral because he was in the service.
    I interpret that to mean that he’ll get: a flag folded and handed to relatives; and either taps played or bagpipes playing “Amazing Grace”. I’m going with the bagpipes.
    I think cremation makes sense, but some people have a religious objection that I don’t understand. We’re all going to end up as dust anyway….right? Your dad made the right call, and I’m sure he’s proud of you.

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