Chirowacko

I’ve been feeling sore for the last week or so. My neck and upper back and shoulders have been acting up. I have no clue what I did so I can only surmise the soreness is due to a sleep injury. Yesterday the constant soreness brought on a stress headache and I was so uncomfortable that I decided to throw caution to the wind and call up a chiropractor.

The chiropractor put me through a series of tests in which she asked my body parts about the pain. My body apparently answered her by how it reacted to her pushing on my limbs.

“Is it here? [Press] No… [press] no… [press] YES!”

She then told me she would use percussion on me to relax the spasms. Percussion? I had visions of her playing xylophone on my back. Turns out she meant VIBRATOR. Yes, she used a vibrator on me. No worries, she stayed away from my private bits and concentrated mainly on my neck and shoulders. I’m not going to lie… that part was rather pleasurable.

After the “percussion” she proceeded to the “adjustment.” I always thought a chiropractic adjustment entailed cracking the neck, back and hips… not here! She got out this odd looking instrument called an Activator. I can only describe it as a cross between a hypodermic needle, ball point pen and stapler. She then proceeded to click this tool all over my neck and back. The last click was into my butt which took me by great surprise. I half expected her to say, “WHOOP, THERE IT IS!”

The last bit of the session had her taping my neck with what I can only surmise is magical tape. She told me to keep in on for 3 days.

As I walked to the counter to pay, I kept wondering how much the visit would it cost me? I settled on the figure of $75. Imagine my surprise when she told me the visit cost $150 and the adjustment was $50! The look on my face at that moment is probably what caused her to say, “But since you are a new patient, I won’t charge you for the adjustment.” ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS! HOO BOY! I gave her my credit card and figured I could maybe write it off as an office expense.

24 hours later and I do have more movement but the stiffness and soreness lingers. I do feel $150 lighter.

2 thoughts on “Chirowacko

  1. Audra

    I was seeing a chiro for months because of hip pain after the baby. They’d crack me twice a week and I never seemed to get much better. Finally, I got a “neuromuscular massage” from a lady that just started working at the gym. She also had chiropractic training. $60 for an hour of work and I felt better than I had in all the months of the chiro. I scheduled another one for 3 weeks later, which will be next week. This sounds really sexual (or Steve thought so when I told him), but she got up on top of the table, squatted over me, and rocked my hips back and forth until they were more even. It felt so awesome.

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