A man showed up to my weekly networking group with the most god-awful facial hair I have ever seen. And I love facial hair! This particular strain looked like something an Amish man might do after dropping acid. Imagine C. Everett Koop’s beard, bleached blond and moussed. It was horrendous. When I saw him I swear my jaw dropped open and I blushed. I avoided him because I knew I would spend the entire time counting the curlycues and wondering of his sanity.
Does this man go to sleep at night wondering why people avoid him? Why no one makes eye contact? Why it seems people talk behind his back? Why no one takes him seriously? Why he can’t find a woman who loves him?
During a conversation a few weeks ago, someone I know to be an intelligent person said, “Because I couldn’t get into the school I wanted, I wasn’t able to get a good job.” I remember blinking my eyes a couple times and wondering if my hearing suddenly went bad. I wanted to say, “Do you really believe that? Do you really think I believe that?”
Another conversation had me looking at a totally different person in disbelief because the situation she described was so beyond what human nature dictates that she had to be lying. No normal person would react in that type of manner. EVER. And I wondered how she believed it and why she thought I would believe it.
The other night, Pookie Bear came to visit me and he remarked at the state of filthiness my desk was in. I knew my desk was messy but I didn’t realize how bad it had become. I cleared it off and started putting stuff away. Once the desktop was visible, I suddenly became aware of how bad it had been. Why I didn’t notice it before Pookie said anything amazes me.
And now I keep thinking of this personal blindness. Things that are obvious to others… and yet are oblivious to ourselves. What else in my life am I totally missing? What is apparent to most everyone but not to me? I am trying very hard to be as self-aware and socially-aware as possible. I do not want to be that person who corners someone at a business card exchange and talks and talks and talks and doesn’t recognize the frustration in the other person’s eyes. Or the guy with the huge booger on his nostril that vibrates with every exhale.
I keep coming back to self-preservation. Perhaps it really is a blessing that we are so blind. Being so painfully aware might be cause for insanity.
You may corner me and talk all you want…I would find it enthralling.
Leave the big booger at home please.
It’s a very interesting exercise to occasionally step outside yourself and view your surroundings from another point of view. Just a quick jaunt for a 3-D perspective in important social situations is enough to reassure me. Doing so compulsively, however, breeds insecurity IMHO. It can be painfully obvious to see those who never do; and equally fascinating at the same time viewing the complete and total lack of self-awareness.
In many respects, our relationships depend on our trust that those we allow to see our “true” self display similar regard for their own true self on display. The fact that poopie bear comments on your desk means he is aware that his large booger might offend you. It also means that were there other gross violations of social norms occurring, you would hear of them too.
Just remember: everyone has the inner monologue going most all the time…about themselves. It’s the stream of consciousness we ALL do everyday. “Did I leave the oven on?” “Did I shut the garage door?” etc. etc. It is only when you invade that process that YOU begin to be processed. Just make sure when that happens, you are prepared, and you will never be seen in a social faux-paux again.
Just re-read and re-read and re-read this poem. It has
a timeless message.
http://marilee.us/desiderata.html
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 40 years….
one overarching axiom….it’s that the human mind can be conditioned to believe and / or accept almost anything. And that’s a frightening thought. People are easily led and misled. They can believe in one god or a hundred gods. They can believe that Hitler is their savior and that the Japanese Emperor is divine. They can believe it’s okay for one man to bond with one woman, or they can believe it’s okay for a man to bond with a woman, a man, and a donkey. That’s why public education is so dangerous…the point of government education is to indoctrinate people into unnatural modes of thought and unnatural modes of behavior. Indoctrination teaches that there is no shame associated with any form of behavior…that’s why you encounter so many people who would have been locked in a rubber room years ago….now they roam about and torment sane people.
They’re not the crazy ones now…YOU ARE…because
you don’t accept unacceptable behavior.